Toni O's
ADC
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I defibrillated this patient multiple times. After the 17th defibrillation in the 25 minutes since the Dr. had left, the patient ask me to please stop. We did not have a DNR order and I told her I needed to call the Dr. to get the order and I needed to go and get her sister and brother-in-law from the waiting room. I told her she needed to keep her heart in a normal rhythm long enough for me to leave the bedside and accomplish these tasks and could she do that. She nodded that she understood and that she could do it. I called the Dr., explained what had transpired since he left and the patient's. expressed wishes to stop all medical intervention. I got the "Do Not Resuscitate" order and proceeded to the waiting area to inform the patient's family. The family and I returned to the patient's bedside, she had stayed in a normal heart rhythm the entire time. Longer than any time since arriving in our unit. She motioned me to the left side of her bed, her family to the right side of her bed, held our hands, smiled, let her family know she loved them but was done with this and went into V-Tach, then a systole (no heart beat). Her family was satisfied with her decision but tearful. I was the same way.
I was
certainly moved by the experience and trying to sort out my feelings. I
returned to work the following night still feeling a little sad and unsettled. I
went home and went to bed as always. I began to dream that 2 surgeons had
removed her legs so her heart wouldn't have to work so hard. I was terribly
upset by this. The patient was lying legless on a gurney. She ask me to carry
her to the unit and place her on the heart monitor. I did so. Instead of the
usual heart rhythm on the monitor she showed me stars and planets whirling
around that were unrecognizable to me. I saw beings (I just knew they were
souls) that just were an almost opaque light, gauzy, floating through space. All
colors, all pastel. I understood that she was making the point that we leave
here for a continued existence in a beautiful space without the troubles of this
planet and our bodies, that letting her go was more than just right, it was a
gift. I don't know how long this went on, but as soon as she left, the monitor
went blank and I sat straight up in bed fully awake and aware and awed by the
experience.
Was this experience
difficult to express in words?
Yes
The experience was not of
anything we have concepts for and not within the realm of normal daily life.
Did you ONLY sense an
awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling
or smelling them?
No
Did you hear the deceased or
hear something associated with the deceased?
Yes
Describe what
you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:
I picked up her physical albeit
altered body off the gurney. I knew from the beginning that I was with her
Did the voice or
sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not
hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?
I had a knowing what she was
communicating, no words, and not exactly inside me either. In a way, it was
external but not exactly
Is there any
possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings
at the time of your experience?
No.
Was there any
possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?
No
Did you feel a touch or
experience any physical contact from the deceased?
Uncertain, I did pick her up but
don't recall any particular sensation except even without legs she was a little
heavy
Was the touch
familiar or unfamiliar?
Familiar in a nursing context, not a personal one/
Was anything
communicated by the touch?
Not really
Is there any
possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings
at the time of your experience?
No
Did you see the
deceased?
Yes
No difference from the way she
had appeared except, no legs!
How clearly did
the deceased appear?
Solid
How much of the
deceased did you see?
All that was left!
Did the deceased
appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?
Same appearance.
How healthy did
the deceased appear to be?
No distress noted.
Is there any
possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings
at the time of your experience?
No
Did you smell a distinct
smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?
No
How long did the experience
last?
I really don't have a clue
Was the beginning and end of
the experience gradual or more sudden?
It started abruptly and
ended abruptly
Could you sense the emotions
or mood of the deceased?
Yes
She was at peace and wanting to
communicate that. There was much more than that though as it was so profound. I
really can't do a better job at the description
Did the deceased give you
information you did not previously know?
She showed me someplace I
had never seen before. A different universe even.
How do you currently view the
reality of your experience?
Experience was probably real
Please explain
why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:
It was incredibly powerful, and
the memory hasn't faded in all these years
Was the
experience dream like in any way?
Yes
It certainly started out
dreamlike in that these surgeons had cut off her legs. I knew that that hadn't
really happened.
Describe in detail your
feelings/emotions during the experience:
I was wonder struck
Was there any emotional
healing in any way following the experience?
Yes
I had glimpsed where she was
and felt very pleased that I was able to facilitate and be present for her
transition
What was the best and worst
part of your experience?
The best part was seeing and
sensing the beauty and wonder of it all. The worst part was having the
experience minimized to emotional discharge.
Has your life changed
specifically as a result of your experience?
No
Did you have any changes of
attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Uncertain
I had a basic belief that life
is not limited to the small amount of years we call life. All that work for so
little time didn't make sense to me.
Did the experience give you
any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God,
etc.?
Uncertain
I have been present for many
descriptions of places and things that are not explainable, provable.
Death Compacts
are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies
first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a
compact?
Yes
Yes, I had a Hospice patient
that said she would try to contact me after she died. I ask her how I would
know it was her. She said she didn't know but she would think of something
Did you observe or hear
anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be
verified later?
No
What emotions did you feel
during the experience?
Joy, elation, wonder
Was the experience witnessed
or experienced by others?
No
Did you have any sense of
altered space or time?
Yes
I had no sense of time. I have
no idea how long the experience was.
Did you have a sense of
knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Uncertain
I had a definite knowing that
this is her experience of the state we call death.
Did you meet or see any other
beings other than the deceased?
Yes
I saw lights floating that I
knew to be others.
Did you see a light?
Yes, Only as related above
Have you shared this
experience with others?
Yes
I initially told my roommate.
She was open and affirming. I then told a Dr. at work and he said it was the
result of an extremely emotional experience.
Have you shared this
experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?
No
Is there anything else you
would like to add regarding your experience?
No
Were there any associated
medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience?
No
I had just worked from 7PM-7AM
Following the experience, have
you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which
reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did you ever in your life have
a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual
event?
No
Did the questions asked and
information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your
experience?
Yes, I had all the room I needed to tell the story.
Please
offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.
Great questionnaire. Thank you.