My experience came about due to my wanting to tell my wife I was proud of her. The stress of the four year battle with her breast cancer, along with my wife's desire that no one cry in her presence, prevented me from sharing my thoughts with her.  She wanted me to be focused on her battle alone. 

One day while visiting my brother in VA I was driving along the road in deep emotional agony grieving the fact that I failed to tell Lynn (wife and soul mate) that I was proud of her for her fighting spirit during the long battle with breast cancer.  At that time this thought consumed me and worsened my grief.  I was deeply grieved that she would never know how proud I was of her.   

I went to bed that night distraught.  I slept well through the night and just prior to my awakening she entered my mind.  Words won't be sufficient to match the beauty and emotions that I experienced, but I will try. There she stood in a garden type setting, dressed in a pure white dress.  Her age was 32/33. Her hair, her face, beyond words.  Although I was in a state of complete joy I remember her countenance being totally unemotional.  Although I was overjoyed in seeing her, she was emotionless.  This disturbed me and still does. I feel this way because before she died I asked that if she ever came to me to "smile," as I loved her smile, as her smile had a magnetic attraction to it.  

I touched her hair and stroked her face with my two hands, but I did not feel any corporeal sensations.  My emotions were highly activated, hers were absent.  I looked into her face and told her, "I am proud of you," to which she replied (telepathically), "Thank you for telling me that."  I hugged her and just as I was about to pursue a deeper reunion I awoke.    

Why am I sure it wasn't a dream?  I am certain it was a real encounter because I very rarely have dreams.  And when I do I forget them the instant I wake up.  This encounter I still remember every detail as though it happened this morning.  It was real.  I wanted to educate myself as to what happened to me and I was to learn that I had what they call an ADC.   

Another encounter occurred about a year later.  Looking back I remember that I had been unable to make up my mind as to what to do with our wedding bands.  Do I still wear my band?  I didn't want to take mine off.  Then one late morning I found myself drifting off to take a nap.  I was asleep about an hour, when once again, still asleep, I saw a sudden bring light shining to my left.  I looked and saw my wife, but this time her brightness was too bright to stare at.  I could see her, but I was unable to stare at her very long.  As she held out her hand I noticed something shining in it, but her brightness overshadowed it so I was unable to make out what was in her hand.  No communication as in the previous encounter.   

As she approached me (she was levitated off the floor about two to three feet) I remember approaching her out from my fully extended recliner trying to give her a hug.  Just as I was about to embrace her she disappeared.  No contact was allowed as in the previous visit. I awoke and found myself in total shock.  What beauty I saw.  Beyond words.   

I sat there awhile wondering what it was she had in her hands.  About an hour passed by when a thought entered my mind:  her wedding band.  She was trying to tell me to take mine off because she took hers off.  The thought was clear and to the point.   

Then as the day progressed I found  myself sitting in the recliner again, and this time I began to consider how I was able to get myself up from a prone position in an open recliner like I did when I tried to hug her. I was raised to the point where I was nearly in the standing position.  Racking my mind as to how this could have happened a thought again entered my mind:  my spirit left my body (partially) from the waist up.  I wasn't reaching out to hug her, my spirit was.   

Not knowing what to do with our wedding bands I hated the thought of packing them out of sight.  So one day as I was shopping I found myself glancing over some garden items. I felt drawn to a cute garden ornament of a young boy and girl holding hands sitting on a bench. Again, a thought came to me:  put the rings on a necklace around their necks.  I did and the ornament is in my living room to this day and will remain there. Our wedding bands perfectly displayed for me to enjoy until we meet again. 

My fourth encounter was totally different in that I was taken to her in heaven where I saw her busy with activity while I observed her from a short distance. When I saw her she was walking in the opposite direction focused as though she was on an important mission of some sort.  She was totally focused.  I wanted to cry out, "Hey Lynn," in order to get her attention, but the words never came out of my mouth.  As in the others, I was sleeping and had the experienced just prior to awakening.   

I failed to describe the strangest of all vision, which was my very first one. The Hospice nurse called me that night to tell me Lynn had passed.  I then called family and friends.  Grief had not hit me at this point.  I was too focused on what I had to do with the funeral arrangements. I decided to go to bed and tackle this matter in the morning.  It was around midnight.  As I sat on the edge of the bed my mind was busy with all kinds of thoughts on what I needed to do in the days to come.  SO much work to accomplish in such a short period of time.  I laid down and laid my head on the pillow exhausted.   

Just as I closed my eyes (immediately) her face appeared in my mind.  Her face was large size in a back drop of total blackness.  There she was at the age of 32/33.  I opened my eyes and remember how shocked I was.  I did not expect this to happen.  I remember being disturbed that she was not smiling. She always smiled and they were real smiles that had a hypnotic effect on me.  Her face also had an expression of someone being confused. Why was she confused?   

As this was my very first encounter with a ADC I reflected on what occurred.  I realized that she came to me being that I was not at the Hospice Center when she passed.  I left her around 9:15 pm and she came to me just short of two hours later when I had finished making all my telephone calls.  I did not sense she came to say, "Good bye," as we insisted our parting was not a "good bye."  She came to let me know that she would always be near.   

Just prior to my departing her bedside that night at Hospice I went into her room and stood over her (she was totally unable to speak, although her eyes were open) I said what I thought would be my final words to her and kissed her a few times and with an authoritarian voice said to her, "Get out of here." I said this three times.  I knew she would hang around just for me, so I had to get tough with her.  I felt bad on the way home being so rough on her.  But I wanted her to go Home where she could talk again and be free of cancer.  By the way her body was so racked with cancer that she had so many tumors that her oncologist stopped counting them.  Cancer was everywhere.  She had 24 tumors in her brain alone. This is why I wanted her to go Home.  It was time to stop the fight.   

These are the experiences my wife and I shared in the two years following her home going.  I am convinced she is with me.  I hear her often (telepathy) and long for more twilight visions, but none have come. It has been four years now and I am just now learning how to have a new relationship with her, a spiritual and mental one.  Our new relationship may not be as fun as the former one, but it is appreciated.   

Our love as soulmates has grown deeper since her home going. I can't explain why. It's not easy loving your mate when they cannot be seen and touched as one would like.  It is not easy for me to admit it, but our "twilight" encounters far exceed the joy we shared sexually in our 35 year marriage.  We shared a wonderful sex life being we had no children.  We basically experienced a 35 year honeymoon.   

I am certain she is aware of my sharing these encounters with you.   I am certain she is aware how much I miss her.  I can also image how difficult it must be for her to develop a new spiritual relationship with me her mate.  Trying to teach an old dog new tricks must be difficult from her end of the relationship.  Teaching me is her desire, and my desire is not only to learn how to love her anew, but to embrace it with  a stronger love still.  Do I grieve?  You bet.  Yet, this too must end because I am learning that when I grieve she is more distant to me.  She comes when I do not grieve. After four years this is where I am at:  learning to exchange grief for a new spiritual loving relationship.  It's almost like dating all over again. How wonderful it is to have found my soulmate.  I don't remember who said it, but "love does hurt."  Without emotional pain love cannot grow and mature.  There is nothing like physical death to perfect the love of soulmates. 

 Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    See My Description Above

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  Inside (telepathic) as a Thought, not dialogue or monologue.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           I heard her voice pattern although it was a thought in the mind.

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Absolutely not.

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   None whatsoever

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

As I explained in my description above, we hugged.  I felt the embrace although it was not a physical sensation. It was a sensation of pure love.

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Yes, a sensation of a pure love like never experienced before.  In life we shared many embraces, but nothing like this.  Our touches were always special to us, but this experience was beyond anything I could imagine.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  Again, no way.

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

See my previous description.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            She appeared solid, but I knew she wasn't.  I felt our embrace, yet, I also knew she wasn't physical.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       One time face only.  Three times entire body.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       She died at the age of 54 and she appeared exactly like her picture at 32/33.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Oh my !  Perfect specimen of health.  Beyond any words I know.  She had jaundice from the cancer in her liver when she passed, yet her skin had a pure and clean look to it.  Better than milky white.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           NO !!!

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?     NA

            Was anything communicated by the smell?   NA

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        NA

How long did the experience last?        This is hard to say.  Time was experienced just as in a dream.  If I had to say I would guess perhaps less than two minutes.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Both beginning and ending were sudden.  Like from out of nowhere.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           No

This was the most disappointing aspect of the experiences.  I eventually realized this must be so because love is not an emotion.  Love is a state of mind.  Emotions produce lust, not love.  Love can only be true if it exists in the mind.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Read my description in my story

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           I know it was a real experience because of how I felt at the time and how I feel currently. I know it was real because I remember every detail as though it happened a moment ago.  I know it was real because prior to the experiences I was not in a state of grieving. Most of all, I know it was real because of how it made me feel at the time and how it still makes me feel.   I can't prove it was real, any more than I can prove that my existence is real.  I suppose one just "knows."

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Uncertain

Although all the experiences occurred during a twilight dream state, they were not dreams.  Dreams I forget as soon as I awaken.  These experiences I can still remember every detail about them.          

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Excited.  Like I had just died and went to heaven.  I did not feel any confusion whatsoever.  I was alert and in complete control of my thoughts and response reflexes.  My responses were calculated.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Uncertain

I can't say.  I do know that I continued to experience grief to the point where my health began to fade away.  Following my fourth twilight vision, some two years after my wife's home-going, I began to experience health problems.  After many doctor exams and tests the diagnosis was that I was having psychological problems.  I lost 50 pounds over a three month period following those encounters.  So I would say I did not experience emotional healing.  I doubt I ever will, at least not totally.  I often wonder what it would be like to have an encounter with Lynn on a monthly basis.  It is my opinion that it would be more helpful in my emotional healing that her not coming to me on a regular basis.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      BEST:  To know that our love is still active and growing stronger and stronger.  WORST:  That I can't have spiritual encounters on a regular basis.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I have become more introverted than I was before.  Lynn and I were both introverts.  I prefer to be alone most of the time.  I tend to view my life as being spiritual, rather than physical.  I have become more attuned to the thoughts that enter my mind.  Instead of ignoring them, I now search them out to their intended conclusion.

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have?
             
Other belief   
This is difficult to say.  If anything I would say I am over anxious to join my wife.  Not suicidal though.  I just look forward to the day we meet.  I am also trying my best to enjoy the new relationship we obviously have put upon us.  My attitude from all these experiences is that her parting was meant to be so that our love can reach the level it was meant to be.  We often said to one another we wish our love could grow and grow.  True love does hunger for more.  My family always told me that our marriage was one in a billion. We were not a typical couple.  We went everywhere together, except to the toilet.  We even worked at the same place. Always hand-in-hand.  I can't wait until my earth-suit experiences are over so we can be together.      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I began to understand my world (universe) as being Immaterial and not real.  I learned this through the studies of Quantum Physics and Christian mystics of the 14th century.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Uncertain      Lynn and I had a strong faith in our God and Savior.  We both looked forward to being in eternity together.  We had kindred spirits in a complete way.  When our attention wasn't on each other we were focused on our spiritual journey to heaven with God.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        Yes

Oh yes.  I was sure to do this.  I asked Lynn to come to me so she could provide me the answers to the many spiritual questions I had about God.  She said she would not come because I tended to ask too many questions, and follow-up questions.  When I told her I would not ask any questions she said, "I will come if I can."  Needless to says, she could and she came.  I am convinced she has been behind all the resolved spiritual mysteries that have occurred the past four years.  I feel I am being led on and on to new and newer spiritual realities than ever before.  Thanks to Lynn.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Disappointed that I was unable to remain with my wife.  I now know why the comings and goings are "sudden."  If they ended slowing I would tend to want to delay the parting as long as I could.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Although it was natural at the time to think that Lynn came to me, I am now convinced that I was taken to her on two of the four twilight visions.  A sense of time and place were not sensed whatsoever.  During the encounters I did not sense the passing of time, per se, just that I was experiencing actions and movements.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

See my explanation above.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?            Yes

See my previous explanation above

Did you see a light?           No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     Whenever I shared my experiences I would get "that look."  That pessimistic look which I hate. So I stopped telling others of my experiences.  I was hesitant to share my experiences with ADCRF.  Everyone thinks I imagined I was Lynn because of the grief.  yet, I since learned that grief tends to prevent an ADC.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       Yes.  Why isn't there a forum where people can share their experiences with others in a "chat-like" format, rather than a mere "posting."  Why aren't there sharing groups locally for others to share their experiences.  Having an ADC puts one in a category like those who see UFO's.  The world makes us feel as though we are the "weird" ones.  Why are there not more religious organizations available for others to share in?

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No 

I wish I could induce them this way.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

See my previous description

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

The best I can.