I was deep into my grief after losing my son just 10 days prior. I was driving home and when I opened the garage to pull my vehicle into my garage, I heard my son, Christian, in my mind  tell me to get into his tub. I immediately thought I was losing my mind due to the immense grief I was experiencing.

I heard him say again to me to get into his tub and this time I also heard, 'get your hand all the way to the bottom left.'

I can’t explain to you how insane I felt in that moment, but I also decided to just surrender to the idea that I had lost my mind.

I got out of my vehicle and walked over to the tub filled with  his clothes that sat in my garage. I removed the lid and shoved my hand into the tub as far left as I could get it. I didn’t feel anything and for a moment I was disappointed. Almost immediately I heard Christian again. He said, 'All the way down, mom.'

So I pushed my hand down as far as I could and my heart stopped when I felt something. In that large tub of my son’s clothes i put my hand in the exact spot in which I felt something small and almost rubbery. I closed my hand around it and brought the small item out of the tub. I was filled with excitement when I saw what it was. A 1 1/2 inch tall rubber teddy bear! 

This moment was life changing for me. I knew Christian was still with me and he was letting me know. I’m not sure how I would’ve survived losing him had that moment not occurred. I miss him everyday and I will never stop missing him, but the comfort that event brought not just to me, but to my husband and all of his siblings, family and friends I have shared the story with…well all I can say is that single event helped a lot of us heal.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   I heard a voice in my head instructing me to get into a tub/tote that was in my garage. Directions were given and when I didn’t follow them precisely, they were repeated. The voice was as clear as any I’ve ever heard before.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     Voice was inside of my head but more clear than just me talking to myself if that makes sense.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     Similar

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No other source.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      Maybe 3 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Beginning was sudden and end was sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes  He was just very matter of fact

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  He gave me directional information that led me to a small item buried in a large tub/tote filled with clothing.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   There is absolutely no way I could’ve reached my hand into that large tub of clothing and accidentally grab ahold of the only non clothing item in there.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

It just all seemed unreal from beginning to end and it took me a little time to process what had taken place. I almost felt a high or giddiness when I found that tiny teddy bear.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Anxious, disbelief that soon turned into a euphoria and happiness, excitement.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

My grief was immediately replaced by happiness and a knowing that my son was with me.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Best part was knowing my son loved me so much he wanted make sure I knew he was still with me. Knowing he could communicate with me was so comforting.

The worst part if I had to come up with anything would be that I didn’t see him.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     I live more in the moment now than I ever have. I am a more gentle parent and person overall. I am more particular about how I spend my time and who I spend it with.



What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have?        
Life-changing       
Joy     
           
I know my son is with me and will always be with me. He pulled me out of the hole I was in with that one event.       

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    I became more patient, loving, understanding. I am now a spiritual person who believes life continues after death.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    I realized we don’t die after our physical bodies are gone. Our soul, consciousness, essence, whatever you want to call it…it lives on and it can communicate with others.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Euphoria, excitement, giddy, hopeful

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    This experience brought healing and joy to everyone I told.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   Christian spoke to me 2 additional times. Both times he was instructing me directionally and both times I found  objects of his.  The objects were buried and partially buried and there’s no way I could’ve found either of these things without him guiding me to them. I have zero doubt that these events are real.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes