I wake up at around 3 in the morning.  I am awake but I am in a trance like state because I have just woken up.  I see a portal in the black of my eyes.  It opens up and my son is there. He always seems happy and having fun. After a few years he started telepathically talking with me. At one point I asked him to prove it was him and he handed me a white rose.  There have been so many different experiences but I can say it's always been positive.  The last time I saw Michael in the portal about a month ago there was a flash of light and the portal closed.  I haven't seen him since.  I want to acknowledge that these are not dreams because I am awake each time.  I know the difference between when I'm awake and asleep. I have had a lot of 'signs' on and off about Michael but since the time this happened I have noticed my clairvoyance increasing, I started seeing things quite differently and my heart has had a huge opening. I am a different person than I was before these experiences.  I am wide open emotionally and feel I have a purpose of helping others that have had deep grief like I have.  I feel my son is helping me now.  I feel him now all the time.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

When I first saw him he looked like his age when I last time him.  But later his age changed a few times and sometimes he looked younger but never older.  He looked exactly what he looked like when he was alive and his personality was definitely the same.  He loved to have fun and make people happy.  He was a kind, loving person and he still is.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            He looked like I remembered him.  Solid.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       It depended because I saw him many times.  I saw him as he was when he was here, his whole body and dressed the same.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           Yes at the time of death, his age.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Very healthy and happy.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   None.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      There were many times I saw him but typically it only last 5-10 seconds before it faded.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       It gradually went away.  It didn't just disappear, it faded away.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

Michael always seems happy where he is and is active doing things he loved to do while he was alive.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Not really.  Just that now I know he's not dead he's just somewhere else.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   Because my son looked the same way as I remember him and he spoke to me telepathically and it was very real, as real as life.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I felt happy and incredibly blessed to have had such a gift of seeing my son again.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

No words can describe the joy I felt knowing he was someplace and happy.  The fact that I had this experience was really different than getting it from a medium. I had had many readings before this but seeing him for myself alive and well changed everything and although I miss my son here in the physical I will be forever grateful for this gift.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          There is nothing bad about my experience except I wish it happened more often.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes                Describe:     Number 38 describes this.  My career that I now want in my life is helping others who have lost children with their grief.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    I feel a lot more love for others.  I know that love is the most important thing.  I do not judge others.  I am running love most of the time. I have forgiven everyone.  It's a lot.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes   

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes He had a jacket that I kept.  It was in my closet.  He showed me the jacket in the portal to verify he knew I had kept it.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Joy, love and so grateful to see my son again and know he's alright.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

It seemed like a moment in time that was almost frozen in time or out of time.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes

In my 40's I did have out of body experiences so I knew consciousness could exist without the body.  When Michael left and came back in the portal I felt his consciousness did exist without his body somewhere, sometime in some existence.

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      Yes

Hightened senses, more clairvoyance, telepathic messages.  My life has completely changed.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   Yes

Sometimes but most of the time it was just him.

Did you see a light?        Yes

The explosion of light happened the last time I had the experience about a month ago however, the other experiences were like the portal would almost burn in and burn out as it left, like it slowly because dimmer and dimmer and then it was gone.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    Mixed reactions depending on their level of openness.  I am not sure what influence I have had with people who weren't open to my experience however one person I know just lost their son. I have helped her a lot in her grieving journey.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         Yes

I have been on the JeffMara Podcast and Kevin Moore show.  I have not shared information with any other researchers though.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   Only that I am so grateful to have these experiences.  It has helped me heal from the intense grief of losing my son.  I believe he probably knew how much I was grieving and was able to connect with me too.  I think it took two of us to get the connection to work.  He was a very spiritual person when he was here.  He spent a lot of time in India and traveled extensively.  He was a humanitarian, loved people and had a strong desire to heal others, which he did.  I miss him so much in the physical but feel very lucky I have had this wonderful verification he's still somewhere and I will see him again.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? Yes 

Yes out of body which was done by meditation techniques and classes.  After that I did go out of body many times for a while but at the time felt it was strange.  Many years passed before Michael left (30 years) so during that time not that much.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       No.  I think it's pretty thorough.