I was lone caregiver for my mother for 7 years, last 5 I abandoned my house, and moved in with her, was working four 10s, 2.25 hour commute every day, and tried to get GOOD people to watch her while I was working. In 2009, 2010, I actually prayed God would take me, I couldnt take it anymore. I resigned my factory job 8-9-2010, as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I knew, I knew I was doing the right thing. Dangerous chemical factory anyways, I hated the job.  

Around June of 2011, I dropped in front of the living room couch, crying, praying with every cell from my toes to my head. I was 48, I had never been so desperate in my life. 6-1, 220, lifelong bachelor, rebel, Harley man, tough guy, , not! (Becki H has this poem and pictures, I reminded her of her brother , I hope she is using it, makes me glow).  All I asked for was strength to carry on, I asked if what I was doing mattered. Basically , I asked if God exists, I had lost every ounce of hope and strength.  

My father died in 1995. In fall of 94 he asked me to take a ride. We ended up sitting at the local post office parking lot for an hour. He told me he had done without, lived modestly so him and mom could retire comfortably. He told me we were damn lucky to have her, and it was the best decision he ever made.  He made me promise that I would not put her in a nursing home unless she needed specialized medical attention. He told me my sister would not be able to help because dad said she would be busy raising kids / grandkids . My sister was adopted (love her, all I have) but ................ totally different than mom, dad or me. Mom had a tilted uterus, they were told they couldnt have children. Low and behold, my sister was 3 when adopted, when she was 7, I was born. Guess dad talked mom into staying home from church one SUNday morning. 

I have a BBA from college and went back for a degree in electronics.  All I can say is the most important thing I studied was resonant frequency of matter. IMO its the God particle they are looking for, the ever variable thing that holds all matter in place, and it emulates from the light, I know that now. 

About 2-3 weeks after I hit bottom, prayed for help, three things happened in a 12 hour timeframe. The first was that night, I was in bed, my cat woke me up, he was startled. I heard a noise as clear as day, someone was in the house, but the sound startled me. My God I knew that sound, it was unique, my dad walked like that and made that same sound.  

To make it short, the last thing was when I went to get mom up, clean her, change her diaper, and get breakfast and meds for her. She was flipped in bed, her head was at her feet, feet were on her pillow. No way she could have done that, I was startled and in shock, as I had checked on her when I heard the noise earlier. 3 blue pee pads under her. They were not wrinkled, perfectly straight and overlapped just like I did every night. I was shocked. And when I sit down on the opposite twin bed..................the light came. 

The love I had for my mom was dwarfed by this light, made it look like a single grain of sand in the middle of the Sahara, indescribable. All I could see was light, like it was me and I was it. 

There was a 3 part message, and then things I just sensed, things I just knew. 

Message:

1) This light I sensed was very happy with what I was doing for my mom. We are here to love one another

2) You cannot harbor hate or greed, you must forgive. (This confused me, my mom had no enemies, she was just like Aunt Bee from Mayberry ) Message was about me not her, major humbling for this ole boy!

3) When it happens, dont mourn, but celebrate, for she will be with me in this light, in a place you cannot imagine. 

I immediately sensed the light was going away, I was like, Oh no, dude (another lesson) I got some questions for you, hold on. , too bad, too sad, this light does not have to answer for it knows everything you ever did. 

What I sensed in the light (not part of the message)

1) I immediately knew there is no gender to this source of creation. It created the genders. (Sorry, the gray bearded guy on the cloud aint it)

2) A sense of love that is beyond description in the physical realm and time disappeared, it was like a state of being. There was no time.

3) It knew everything I did, thought, . 

My friends, sister, dont know me anymore , but they like the new me . (Yea mom gave me a girls name dammit ) My last name is hidden in the poem without a crown ............ 

As soon as this happened, I had no interest in my vintage 92 Heritage Softail Harley with original paint. My Toyota Tacoma..............I wanted to take the lift kit, fancy LED headlights, custom wheels off the truck and go around it and put a few dents in it . Like I did not want to be known for a sharp custom truck or Harley. I could care less. I wanted people to  know me for who I am, not a bunch if damn metal. 

Mom was 42 when she had me, note the gray hair in my baby picture. Then one around 2007 when I was taking her to Indoctrination on Ishtar SUNday . Then 5 days before she died, girl I had helping out last 2 weeks snapped this picture. I think it really touched Becki, everyone that sees it cries . 

If you have any contact with Becki H, if she ever does a presentation and uses my story / pictures. Id give anything for a video. To know me and mom are helping people find truth, makes me glow.  

Oh, the nurse I mentioned in the poem, she was going to school to be a med practitioner or something. She was a nurse at the Hospice facility. Angels with uniforms. Mom was only there 1 day, I have never been so overwhelmed with heart felt care in my life. They have a special place in the light, and its no Bob Euchre seats either . 

Oh yea, about a year after mom passed, a girl I was dating, lost her husband, her daughter had a beagle . 3 yrs old and blew out a disc. I went to the Vet with her daughter who had just had her first baby and could not care for the dog. I adopted Cinnamon. I would not take $10,000 for this beagle, try me.  

A year after mom dies I get a beagle that cant walk and is totally incontinent. (Thanks God, perfect prescription)