My dad had passed away 12-12-07. I could barely make it through Christmas, and I decided I'd rather go join him than enter the new year without him. Throughout the past 2 weeks since he had died, my mom and I both kept sensing a presence. I had slept maybe a total of 20 hours in those weeks and no matter what I tried, I couldn't sleep, so at the time it made sense to take some sleeping medicine. I figured half the bottle would do the trick. It never occurred to me that I was attempting suicide until I woke up. My husband didn't realize how many pills I had taken until the next morning when he woke me up because he found the bottle. Amazingly I woke right up. While I was "asleep" (because I'm not sure if I was or if I really did die) I had the strangest thing happen.

I don't call it a dream because it was so clear and vivid and emotional. I remember a long tiled hallway, like one in a school or something, but no lockers or anything. As you looked ahead, it got narrower and brighter. My dad was halfway to the end, and I was running, and screaming and crying for him to wait for me, but I just couldn't catch up to him. By the way, he was walking fine, without a cane, and didn't look sick, maybe just melancholy, but he was awfully sick when he died. Finally, he stopped, and looked at me and without his mouth moving, I could hear him telling me I couldn't go, that I had to take care of my mom and my niece, but he was glad I came because he was scared to walk alone, yet a little angry because he knew what I did. I kept insisting I had to go too, but he wouldn't let me. I wanted to hug him so bad, but I couldn't get close enough. Then it felt like hands on my shoulders were making me drift backwards, and everything kept fading to darkness. I felt like I was slammed into something and I woke up soaked in tears.

The emotions were all so overwhelming. I can't begin to describe them. To say the least, it was bittersweet. I know someday I can join my dad, but not on purpose, and not yet. Since that morning I woke up, I feel so alive, sometimes I seem to know things that I shouldn't, and I still think my dad visits. He was Greek, and there's a myth about paying your way down the Styx River into the afterlife. At least a few times a week, I find new, shinny quarters in weird spots, like my shower, in my shoes, stuck in a stack of papers. Also relationships in my life are much better, and in some ways, I think I've changed too.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    

Uncertain            I had attempted suicide by taking about 20-30 sleeping pills.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?

Yes     The emotion was overpowering, but in a good way.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?         

Uncertain      I should have died from all those pills, except I woke up refreshed.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I think I was knocked out, maybe dead, maybe deep deep deep asleep.
            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Yes, except it was so vivid, so real, down to the smell of flowers, and so emotional, I really don't think it was a dream.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain      I felt so light and airy and free through it all, then I felt slammed into something (maybe returning back into my body)

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            melancholy, deep sorrow, yet relief, happiness for my dad, like I know he made it? I can't describe how intense, how deep, how much I felt them. And there's emotions that there are no words for.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           I heard peacefulness if that makes any sense. No loud noises, or sudden noises, but I can't figure out what was soft in the background, like I wasn't quite privileged enough to really hear it.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      Sort of. It wasn't like most stories you hear about. It seemed dim at the end where I was, then it got brighter and brighter as you got to the end, but you couldn't see what was there in the light. It wasn't blinding though.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I didn't meet them exactly, but I knew they were there and full of love and it would have been okay if I stayed, but I had to go, and that was okay too. My dad's will was stronger than mine I guess. I was paying so much attention to my dad, all healthy and stuff, that I really didn't focus on those near me.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Uncertain     

Yes, I have attempted to astral travel, but I can never find that place. Nothing happens.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     My husband could be heard talking on the phone to my mom about how peaceful I looked, and I was so deep asleep that I wasn't moving, but his voice eventually faded as I tried to reach my dad.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes            Everything just seemed hyper- alert. My vision was so vivid and clear, I smelled flowers that were so incredibly fresh, but not overpowering.. I can't explain it.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     I knew what I had done, I knew I was dead, though I second guess it now, I knew I had to be with my mom, that was my purpose, it wasn't my time yet. I knew my dad was okay and wasn't scared or lonely, I knew he was going home. I knew he felt nervous and anxious, I knew he was comforted by me (as I him), I knew the heartache would hurt for awhile but become tolerable. I knew things would work out even though I couldn't grasp that my dad was gone at that moment and I never thought things would be right again.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Yes     I couldn't get to my dad like an invisible wall was between us. I kept struggling, but deep down I don't think I wanted to break through because I was scared to go, and my dad knew that. He was just glad I came to see him off, but angry how I got there, and he knew I realized what I had done, so he sent me back with a purpose. That's why the wall was there. It won't be when I die again.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     I knew my brother would leave when I woke up, even though it was never said. Turns out, he moved to Florida. I knew a friend was pregnant, I also knew I'd get the job my dad had been praying for me to get and all of it came true. I'm still waiting for some more things I seem to know to happen

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       No       Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?   Yes     As described above, I sometimes know when things are about to happen.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No      

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I feel more relaxed in life, I'm more patient and easygoing, probably easier to get along with. I am more understanding of other people and I suddenly have patience which I never had before.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     I got the job my dad had prayed for me to get, and I'm so close with my mom now.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     My mom, and she cried, and my husband who isn't sure if I'm nuts or not.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Deep sorrow, I felt immense loneliness, then more bittersweet, then I felt ok, then overwhelming joy, almost all at once

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I hate the memory of how sad it is, the best part was saying good bye to my dad.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes     It's the best I can explain it.