My current spiritual condition was a backslidden condition. While high off several drugs I was sitting in bed next to my boyfriend watching TV. The next thing I remember, until later filled in by my boyfriend, was everything completely black. The darkest black I have ever seen. More like absence of light. Reminded me of what outer space would be like.

My first memory was realizing I 'was down'. I couldn't remember where I was when I went down. I couldn't remember if anyone was with me or am I alone. I wondered if there were standbyers watching me. I remember wondering if I was in a shopping mall and wondered if a crowd had gathered. I couldn't see or move. My next thought was that of death. I didn't know if everybody knew of this thing called "death" or am I only privileged to it because it was happening to me. Surely people don't know of this thing called death or how would anyone be able to think of anything else. I visualized people being leisure and I was convinced that no one knows of this.

Terror is the only word that serves what I felt justice. Pure terror. I will never use this word again for anything else after knowing the true meaning. I felt an overwhelming feeling of not being ready. I began praying to God to please not take me. Please let me live. I was so terrified that I couldn't bare it.

Soon I see a tiny blue dot off in the distance. I focus everything I have on it in an effort to ease the terror. I remember thinking to myself, almost pretending, that it was so beautiful. As soon as I thought that the blue dot becomes larger, slowly, as if moving closer to me. After later recollecting, I believe there were many other blue dots, but not entirely sure. this one in particular now is very close to me and large. It resembles a blue orb. I immediately have peace. I first believed it to be my grandmother. But this blue orb spoke to me. Not in an audible voice. At this point I have no body, I have no idea what I look like. I have no eyes to see, no head or neck to look down. I just am. My memories of life are far away and insignificant. The worst day on earth is insignificant in this place. When the blue orb spoke to me it felt more like a vibration. Best described as my memories as a child falling asleep on my mothers chest while she spoke on the phone. A comforting vibration. Not audible. My interpretation of what was said is "Lindsey, what are you doing?" Strangely the cadence or rhythm was my own.

My memories after this are a bit foggy, but the next thing I remember is breathing. I felt as if I was heavily breathing, very exaggerated, as if I had finished running a mile. I remember realizing that I was breathing and I did not move or attempt to do anything other than let my body do it's thing.

Shortly before this whole experience began I had set a timer on my phone. Because of this I know that I was not out any longer than 30 minutes but it very well could have only been ten. Time however does not exist in this other dimension. As soon as the timer when off I jumped up, confused, embarrassed, not really sure what my boyfriend saw. I had no time to digest what had just happened. I quickly walked out of my room in an attempt to gather my thoughts. I was disorientated and dizzy. 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     Yes   The rules of physics in this world do not exist in the world I experienced so very hard to help others understand.  The terror I experienced was unlike anything in comparison. It's like trying to grasp the book and imagery of Revelations.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   Uncertain  

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     I believed it to be my grandmother, but after this orb "spoke" it was a rhythm that reminded me of my own.  

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?   I felt the vibration inside of me but sensed that it was from the blue orb 

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     dissimilar. the rhythm or cadence was familiar. like my own.     

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   no  

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Uncertain  

Describe where and how you were touched:     Perhaps I sensed my grandmother because she is the only person deceased that I was close to and I associated her with my death also. I'm really not sure.

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   very familiar, I sensed peace and love and compassion and help.  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   Yes. A question "what are you doing". My interpretation.

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   no

Did you see the deceased?   No                     

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    No               

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   Uncertain     The blue orb felt loving

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   I'm not quite sure but I awoke with a new perception about life and it's purpose. I believe the most important thing we can learn to do is love.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was definitely real    It was more real than this world.

Was the experience dream like in any way?    No   

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?    Yes    A better grasp on what is truly important in life. I have less guilt and shame. I have a better understanding of who God is= and how he feels about me.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The finality and terror that I first experienced was the worst. The best part was walking away with a better understanding about life.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    Yes        

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    Yes    LOVE

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Yes    God is love.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   No

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    Yes    I was lying next to my boyfriend. He later explained to me what happened. I started chuckling. I did this a couple more times (while sitting up) and then fell over into a lying position. He is describing this before I was brave enough to tell him my experience. He knew I was high so assumed I was okay. When he told me that he started to check to see if I was breathing, laughingly (him), I told him a bit of my experience but stopped as soon as I could tell he didn't believe me.       

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?        Yes    I knew

Did you become aware of future events?           No   

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     No   

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    Yes    No physical body. Unsure of how I appeared. No ears. No eyes.

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    Yes    Blue orb      

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    My best friend was great to talk to. She knows me best. My boyfriend was discouraging to talk to and made me very leery about speaking of this.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    No       

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    Yes    I was high on drugs

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   No   

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      No