Experience description:   

            It was around 1:00 AM and I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming a very "real" dream. In the "dream" I was lying flat on my back with my hands stretched out. I was in a place that seemed like a beautiful green grass field, bright sunlight coming from above. Everything was crystal clear and at the same time slightly unclear. I felt the feeling of being there -everywhere- and also of laying down in the field to my right. I could feel my arms heavy. I could feel the sensation of something in my throat. Nothing hurt, I just knew I wanted to get "up" and join what was there.

But at the same time I could feel a sense of "peace" unlike anything I have ever felt before. There was no struggle. No sense of time. I was not cold, hot or uncomfortable. I was observing and yet being observed. I could feel the presence of everyone that had ever been. See their light. "Souls?" I felt so many I could not count, but they did not seem far away. I felt if I wanted to be with one I could be there in a second, there was no sense of distance. I could sense these "Souls" were my family. Relatives that had passed before me along with others I had never met, but I felt the same peace and warmth for all of them. There was no difference in the love, only knowing they were what I came from and others I had never met. I felt a feeling so peaceful I cannot fully describe. I don't know if the phone woke me or I awoke on my own, but I laid there for a few minutes just wanting to stay with that feeling. To remember. I felt a compassion for the world I did not realize was possible. I knew from the time on the clock that the phone call was not good news so I ignored the ringing. I did not want the sensation to go away.

Upon waking I was realizing that before I could not "feel" anything, such as the air on my skin. Just being in human form hurts, compared to the peace I felt. As I lay, I could feel the presence of my body and the struggle it goes through to live. After what seemed like 10 minutes the phone rang again, and I got up to answer it. My husband awoke and got upset the phone was ringing saying 'who is calling so late? I heard myself say it is going to be my sister telling me my Father died. In the dream I did not feel the person lying in the field was my "Father". He felt the same as everyone else- but I felt love for everyone, a bond with everyone. Once awake I realized it had been him struggling to get up and join them. I answered and my sister told me to get to the hospital right away. She had not seen my father yet, but had just been told he was dying.

I drove to the hospital unsure what I would find. He was lying on a table, covered with a blanket. He had been hooked up to a breathing tube. Unconscious, but not sedated - he made no movement, except every few minutes I would see the bottom of his mouth twist as if he was attempting to push the breathing tube out. When I went to hold his hand I saw he had been strapped down. I asked why and the Nurse said as a precaution so he would not pull his breathing tube out if he awoke. I knew he would not awake; I had just been with him in the place he was going. I knew he was already there and we were "holding' him here. My Father had asked for a Do-Not-Resuscitate and somehow from the nursing home to the  hospital it had been missed.

Once all the family arrived the tube was removed, and within 2 or 3 minutes he passed completely. I believe I was with him in that dream. It was a gift from him to let me witness his passing. I use the word "feel" because I really can't describe the true sense of what I felt. I am not religious, but have always kept an open mind. I now know there is a place we go when we leave this world. We will see our loved ones again. There is an after life. I no longer believe we just turn to dust. There is more. I don't have all the answers, only a glimpse. The peaceful feeling has started to fade, and now I have trouble recalling just how wonderful it was.

 I decided to write it down so I can go back and try to recall the feeling and what is waiting for me.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The feeling are hard to express.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     Father was in hospital on life support.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    The whole time.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            The whole time.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Everything was crystal clear and at the same time slightly unclear. I could see as far as necessary. I knew everything was vast, but yet right there in front of me.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      I don't remember "hearing". I just knew what needed to be communicated. A sense of knowing. True speaking and hearing, I don't believe was part of the experience.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Although I use these words, they are minimal for the depth of what I felt.

Nothing hurt. I could feel a sense of "peace" unlike anything I have ever felt before. There was no struggle. No sense of time. I was not cold, hot or uncomfortable. I was observing and yet being observed. I could feel the presence of everyone that had ever been. The feelings were not the same as what I feel in everyday living.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     It appeared as a strong sunlight coming from above, but there was no heat. Only brilliant light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I could feel the presence of everyone that had ever been.I could see them but not as I see a physical person. More of a combination of light and presence. "Souls?" I felt so many I could not count, but they did not seem far away. I felt if I wanted to be with one I could be there in a second, there was no sense of distance. I could sense these "Souls" were my family. Relatives that had passed before myself along with others I had never met, but I felt the same peace and warmth for all of them. There was no difference in the love, only knowing they were what I came from and others I had never met.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     In the "dream" I could feel my arms heavy. I could feel the sensation of something in my throat. Nothing hurt, I just knew I wanted to get "up" and join what was there.

My Father had been placed on a breathing tube, and had been tied down.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I was in a place that seemed like a beautiful green grass field, bright sunlight coming from above. I could tell I was no longer on earth. I don't know exactly where I was. I did get the feeling I was "up".

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     No sense of time. Space was vast and close all at the same time.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     No one told me anything. I just knew who the "Souls" were. Not there names, just there presence and warmth. That they felt about me as I felt about everyone. There was no want or need. I knew if I stayed there I would never have a want or need again. Only complete peace and joy.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      I felt I could not fully be there, but did not care one way or another. Just an observer.

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain
            I sensed I knew every "Soul" that has ever been and will ever be.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     When I walked into the room to see my Father, I said to the relatives standing there that I had just been with him, and he was not in any pain. After it was all over I told my niece and sister the whole story. I don't know if it has influenced them.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     My Father was raised in a German Concentration Camp and had been near death many times. He remembered the details and would tell the family on occasion. I never really believed him, until now. I don't believe it affected my experience because I did not believe him, and the details of his experience were completely different than the ones he spoke of. He spoke of floating above his body, and being told it was not his time- Being sent back to live.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I did not believe before. I did not know my Father was dying. The tube in his throat, and hands being tied were the physical clues that made me realize I had been there with him. The feelings are fading, but almost as if I know I am not suppose to feel those feelings in this place.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The feeling of peace and completeness with everyone and thing. Also, the feeling of compassion. I don't ever want to fully forget.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            After careful review of what I dreamed and how I felt, nothing has changed. I don't feel like it was a dream. I believe I was with my Father.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      I want to have the compassion I felt for everyone. I am trying to hold onto that feeling.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Uncertain      I did not get a true feeling for any specific "God". Only a sense that everyone is connected and there is a place we go when we leave this world. Also, a sense that being compassionate for everyone is necessary to get me there.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                  

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      I have written the words, but they don't seem strong enough to describe the feelings.