As clear to me today as it was 26 years ago.

BUNNY

I think the situation with our rabbit happened around 1998-99; the rabbit must have been around 2 years of age when she died. My youngest got her for his birthday as a baby bunny. I was about 34 at the time. Our 'Konijn' (a lazy name, which translates to ‘rabbit’ in Dutch) was a big white New Zealand giant.

We were living in Tasmania, when we got Konijn, some time thereafter we moved to the other side of the village. And this is where it happened;

Our rabbit was a happy bunny, having been allowed to roam the area (or rather, it would escape, with initial minimal effort to contain it as I knew she liked to be free) and, of course, eventually would come home pregnant. Her bunny boyfriend lived near an accommodation place near our first residence and was reached simply and safely via the adjoining paddock. Then we moved to Honeysuckle grove on the other side of the village, but bunny would find her way back there! I thought it to be too dangerous for her to be crossing several busy roads before making it back to her boyfriend, so I then decided to call it a day with her free roaming and dug in chicken wire along the back fence (her escape route). This was effective and bunny stayed in the yard from there onwards.

Every evening before I would go to sleep, I would call bunny over to give her an evening snack. She would come hopping over enthusiastically, like a big, white ghost in the night, accept her snack and that would be it. This night it was no different, she keenly accepted her snack and I said my goodnights.

It was estimated to be between the middle of the night and very early morning when I suddenly woke. I mean, right awake! I was lying on my back, and I became immediately aware of a presence; the position of this presence was high near towards the ceiling at my 3 o’clock, and it felt like it would have taken approximately 2 arms lengths away from where I was lying to reach it. I was not wearing my contact lenses and it looked like there was some lighter grey matter there, however, these mixtures of shades of grey are not unusual when looking in the dark. No image could be made out, but for some reason, I straight away knew it was the rabbit who was there. How I knew this I don’t know. There was no image of the rabbit, not even a vague image or any physical indication of there being our bunny. But I knew it was her. I was just lying there quite stunned, but before I could even so much as think, bunny immediately 'spoke' to me 'I’ve gotta go now'. It was a conveyance of words or meaning, rather. There was no sound at all.

Also, for a reason totally unknown to me, I knew immediately what she meant. But regardless, there was not even enough time to ask the unnecessary question of 'what do you mean?!' (a question which mentally came to me). She was gone. I was now alarmingly awake, with full realisation; the rabbit died!

Of course, I was totally stunned, by the whole event and its implications. At that point in time, I did not at all ponder over the very strange fact the rabbit had spoken to me (same as with my second experience years later, I never questioned the weirdness at that moment). At this point in time, this seemed perfectly normal and understandable to me. The only conscious thought I had at this moment was; I should go and check!

I knew what had happened. I was not mistaken in the interpretation of what just happened. I knew it. But… I did nothing. And now here comes the shameful part, the part I don’t like to acknowledge; I was just lying there, trying to talk myself into having been mistaken. But the truth is, I knew what it meant, but I did not want to get out of bed. I was not wearing my contact lenses, it was cold, it was in the middle of the night and I thought (quite lamely so), that there was nothing I could do anyway, as bunny was gone.

I still feel ashamed about not at least going to check on my little friend, even just out of respect for her. After all, she deemed me important enough to come and say goodbye to, and instead, I was just lying there in my bed, trying to deny, even though I knew the truth.

I ended up eventually falling back to sleep. And possibly even more shamefully, I woke at my normal time, going straight into parenting mode, getting the kids up and getting everything ready for breakfast. Already standing in the kitchen, I only then remembered the event of the night and thought I’d better check. By then, with the hustle and bustle of family dynamics, I now felt silly believing it, but I had to check.

I walked through the laundry to the backdoor, which has a large rectangular window. Even before I reached the door handle, I could see bunny ‘sitting’ with her head stuck under the conifer near the sitting area. I did immediately think this was an unnatural way for a bunny to sit, because as a prey animal, she would be unlikely to leave her body so exposed and not being able to observe her environment. But she was in sitting position. Not at all lying down. I now felt silly again.

That was until I turned the key and moved the handle, actions which in itself would have been audible at this distance to the bunny. She did not move. Now alarmed, I walked up to her, and the vibration of my steps on the ground also did not provoke a response. Even before I touched her, I knew. She was dead. And even before I touched her, the enormity of what happened during the night came flooding back. And with that, the shame of letting her down, not even at least checking her. And when I did touch her, she was, of course, dead. The stage of death was that of expected of the time elapsed since her death (the presumed time of her apparition, if you want to call it that way). I was so overwhelmed, so sad, but also so deeply touched by the fact she had deemed me worthy of a farewell. And ashamed.

What struck me also during the time of her nightly visit were the following thought processes - Now to clarify, this all happened within a timeframe of 10-15 seconds only (just like my second experience those many years later):

But the first thing was that I immediately had recognized ‘it’ as our bunny. I just knew. It also never even crossed my mind to question this or to disbelieve this ‘knowing’. The identification was immediate. Despite a complete lack of physical image, I recognized the presence as Konijn without a doubt.

She spoke to me. But not in words. It was as if the meaning of the words were directly ‘planted’ into my brain. So, there is no real ‘voice’ as such attached to this communication, and when you have never experienced this, it would be hard to imagine. Many years later I became known with what is called Near Death Experiences (NDE), whereby people describe persons speaking to them telepathically. This is often met by scepticism, but I now know exactly what they mean! This was that.

Also, bunny did not at all appear to be upset about the fact that she had died. No distress whatsoever! It was merely stating a fact, namely, that she had to go now. The overall demeanour I got from her would have been no different had she intended to go for a stroll around the block, very matter of fact, no more emotion than for a ‘just so you know’ casual comment.

She did not hang around longer than for her message to be conveyed. She did not allow for question time so to say. But then… she would have known I got the message, as no doubt she would have received my, unspoken, automatically conveyed awareness of the situation just as I had received hers. The message had found its recipient.

I still think about her and the event quite regularly. The honour of being said goodbye to, but also the shame, which has unfortunately become inseparable from it. Even just a year ago, I grabbed a photo of her and asked her again to please forgive my casual attitude of that time. I certainly did care.

As for the cause of death I am none the wiser. She was happy and healthy when I gave her the usual snack at night-time, and she ate it with enthusiasm. The only thing I can think of that could be possible is that she may have been bitten by a snake. At that time our back yard still bordered on grassland and the chicken wire could easily accommodate a snake coming through. Also, her death was clearly not immediate, as she obviously had found time to try to ‘hide’, as an unwell animal would do and after this she had not moved, dying in a sitting position, head down under the conifer.

Even though I do not deny the necessity and reality of the food chain and the natural selection process, (we all have our role to play) I formed the believe that also animals have ‘souls’, or whatever you choose to call it. Perhaps ‘energy’, life energy or essence is perhaps a more accurate description. I always kind of thought that way already as a child; the conviction that animals are truly no different from humans, claiming their place in existence just the same and with no less importance. And we are all like ONE. Together.

I recall having very deep thoughts about this as an 8 or 9-year-old, where I suddenly had the epiphany (or so I thought, in my child’s way of thinking!), that after death our souls would all go back to this big pot of soup of souls, after which a bit was taken out again when someone was born. Funny how you already think about these kinds of matters as a child. As I was being raised (but with low intensity) within the Catholic faith, this was certainly not the taught belief. I have since let go of the ‘soup’ idea as I now feel we do somehow, keep part of our individual self. But… my guess would be as good as anyone else’s.

But despite my childhood thoughts and Catholic upbringing, I emerged as an Atheist from about my late teens and remained so for many years. This stance wavered quite a bit after this experience and the enormous impression it left on me, as you can imagine. Nevertheless, my Atheism managed to sneak itself back in slowly over time (by reasoning that even though bunny’s energy transferred into another state of being, it could not possibly classify as sufficient evidence of a longer lasting or permanent after-life/reincarnation). But this doubt then, probably forever, was squashed by my second experience, namely, the vision I had of my husband Wayne's passing over ten years later.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Uncertain

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   Words were conveyed rather than spoken. No actual speaking (audible)

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?     That knowing what was communicated. I cannot say if it felt externally or internally, but my brain heard it, if that makes sense.

As rabbits can't speak, there was never going to be any spoken words. Yet the message was as clear as speaking. It's like it was the message that came through rather than it being any particular language.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     no sound

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   not applicable

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no. and not applicable

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      seconds! Just long enough for me to be fully awake, knowing bunny was there and getting the message. Then... gone!

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Something woke me and I don't know how it started. The end was abrupt

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Uncertain

Very neutral in its emotion it seemed. Matter of fact.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  no

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   I had no reason to suspect bunny may be dying. She was well. Although I was initially asleep, when I got the message I was well and truly awake. I was not dreaming! And the most important part is that bunny had indeed died and its time of death correlated with the approximated time of her apparition.

          Was the experience dream like in any way?  No      

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  As it happened so quickly and I had been asleep immediately prior to the experience, my initial response was a mild confusion. Sort of; what's going on? Even though I was immediately aware it was the rabbit. I did not think it strange she was there it itself, it was just the why of things. But when I got that message, I was no longer confused. I wanted to ask her 'what she meant by that', even though I knew. A kind of protest of her going, or a denial? The experience itself was quite confronting. I still can't believe I did not get out of bed. Was it truly wanting to disbelieve or also denial?

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Uncertain

Still feeling guilty

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          best; animals have (indeed!) souls (or consciousness) as well. And the thought that we continue after our physical death is, of course, quite nice. The fact bunny thought I was worthy of saying goodbye to!

worst; well, I've said it; the GUILT

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain                 Describe:     Immediately after the experience, yes. It moved me away from my Atheist position. It made me also happy that animals also have an after life. I always felt that people generally have a very arrogant stance on the believe that animals are somehow 'lower' than humans (and are treated as such) and religions do not include animals as having a soul. I lived on as usual after that, but with a slumbering 'knowledge' of this experience. I did lose a little of it during the following 10 years. I tried to deny the importance many times, but kept failing.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Yes    It shook my position as an Atheist. I had to rethink things!

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    It moved my position as an Atheist. I now 'knew' bunny was going somewhere. And not just anywhere, it was going to the same place people go too. Then, over many years, this feeling faded a little, but not completely

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes verification; Konijn had indeed died

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          That was quite upsetting; as I did know immediately; o waw, bunny has died!

yet...

I did not get out of my bed to check. I STILL don't understand myself. I loved bunny. Why was I not at least curious enough to get out of bed and check? Or was I afraid of what I would find?

but then I forgot about it briefly after waking.

Basically, guilt over not going to check on her has dominated this experience in the end. So it makes me feel sad.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Uncertain

That dying was nothing to be concerned about. Rabbit was very calm and matter of fact. No distress at all. It was nearly as if she was keen to keep going... somewhere

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    I shared it only after my second experience years later (death of my husband), so it's tied in with that. I have never had a disrespectful reaction (regardless of what one may have thought at that time)

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   not applicable

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       the question early in the form;

'Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience (choose best response)' does not leave room for the fact that the experience in itself is the time of realization that the person (in this case rabbit) has died and thus there is no period of bereavement prior to the experience. So I had to put 'no response' to that. question 19; I feel this could perhaps be expanded on, or given the option that 'God' may mean different things to different people (as I stated in other form) and... perhaps include animals in the options? It happens! otherwise, great questions!

Experience description 2756:

WAYNE

Wayne and I had been married for only a couple of years when his suicidal ideation became much more alarming. We already knew each other for years through work, but it only became apparent to me that he was struggling with severe mental health issues once I knew him a lot closer, as a partner. Little did I realize at that time, that his first suicide attempt had been when around 20 years of age and he had continued having suicidal thoughts on and off during his adult life. But things were about to get a lot worse….

Our relationship was not going well, and when his suicidal ideation then progressed to actual suicide attempts, I had to make the hard decision to move to another residence to protect my youngest son who was still living at home. Unfortunately, Wayne was not empathetic towards my son potentially finding him and could not promise never to commit suicide at home or where my son could find him. And so we moved out, but not without the understanding he would continue to work on his mental health and we were in counseling together as a couple.

Wayne was welcome to visit my new residence but with the mutual agreement that my place had to remain a place of safety and peace for the sake of my son. Wayne arrived one day, around midday, but what was supposed to be a time of healing together, ended up with conflict, with Wayne clearly pushing for an argument. This should have been alarming to me, but I was exhausted, and I asked him to leave. He did call our counsellor whilst still on my driveway and came back briefly to say that all was fine, and we would speak soon. We didn’t.

Like myself, Wayne was a paramedic and was due to start his work stint that afternoon. He was working on a ‘four days on, four days off’ rotation with on-call during the night and I was always relieved and much more relaxed when he was at work, as he had always maintained a professional attitude and a ‘being there’ for the community approach. Never had he tried to commit suicide at work, and he had managed to hide his mental health struggles from our colleagues. Only a few people at work he also knew as friends had become aware of his escalating problems a mere few months earlier as they (together with police) were called during a suicide attempt. He had always been careful to maintain the image of ‘a rock’ within the service. Him being at work reassured me. It was my ‘time out’ from worry.

But I was wrong.

I was working as a flight paramedic the next day, starting at 08.00, and that morning we took off to go and collect a patient for repatriation. I was very tired from all the many months of stress, and I gladly used this moment of still being without a patient to relax a little with Wayne ‘safely’ at work, and me having a moment to myself. All was good. Then suddenly something happened, exactly right in front of me about 15 minutes into the flight;

As if looking through a square ‘window’ right in front of me, I could see Wayne.

I experienced this image to be about a long arm’s length away from me, at my (sitting) eye height. This is hard to explain even now, as I have trouble myself making sense of how this was even possible. In a way, it was nearly like looking at a hologram in front of me. I think that is the closest I can come to describe it. But I am convinced and dare to speculate that had somebody else been in this space with me, they would not have seen the same thing I did. I am sure this was generated for my brain only. And through that ‘window’ I was looking at Wayne seen from his right profile. I could only see his face, his profile. His head nearly took up the entire space behind the window with just a little, kind of ‘empty’ (undefined) space surrounding him. To describe that window through which I could observe him; it felt in hindsight no more than 40 x 40 cm and not sharply defined, unlike Wayne's face, which was very clear. His image was a little away from the window, perhaps 15 cm. I noticed that he was looking at something that had his complete attention, very intensely, fully concentrating on whatever it was he was looking at, and he appeared totally oblivious to the fact I was observing him. I somehow knew I was looking at a ‘live’ event, even though Wayne did not move at all. I never even saw him blinking. But it was not like looking at a photo at all, it was a living image.

His face was illuminated by a warm and strong light (but not that strong it blinded him, his gaze was not straining against the light). I could not at all see what he was concentrating on as I could not see beyond the borders of that window, but his face showed him being completely taken in by whatever it was he was looking at. He appeared so calm, so serene, kind of neutral, and attractive. I remember the very brief 'wave' of feeling a bit guilty, looking at him whilst he did not know I could see him, I felt I had not gained his permission for this, like a voyeur. It's amazing how many feelings and observations can flow through you in such a short space of time. We are talking about the whole event lasting a mere few seconds. How long? I have no idea but my best guess would be about 10 seconds. The weird thing was, that I never even questioned the strangeness of it all when it was happening. It just did not occur to me.

But my first real thought, or more like a deliberate realization, followed quickly;

'Waw, you look so WELL!'

And it was then, that I realized IMMEDIATELY; He looks well, because he IS well, and that is because he is dead.

Immediately after that very realization, the whole thing, the window, Wayne, just vanished, But I can't remember the point at which it vanished. I just mentally broke down and I felt panic washing over me. This feeling was not alien to me, as the possibility of Wayne having committed suicide was certainly not the first time. But this time was different, if felt confirmed now. I felt totally incapacitated, yet I needed to act.

Being in this aircraft, I could receive and transmit on our operational radio. My mobile phone also worked at that altitude to contact our communication centre. I used the phone. They needed to alert them. I needed to hear it.

And this is where things get possibly even more disturbing because one might think you just go into a panicked speech, but not me. It is nearly scary how one’s sense of self-preservation can overrule your acute mental distress and where your sanity is well and truly falling apart at that point in time. Above all, my predominate thought was; I must not sound crazy, because just imagine if it had been nothing more than an hallucination of some kind. I felt I would have been looked upon as a total nut case from there onwards. So, in my call, I omitted all what I had seen, and what I felt I now knew, when I called communications. I made as excuse for my call that wanted to contact Wayne, but said I was unsure if I would wake him up in case he had been out all night. It was a plausible reason. Wayne had been on-call that night and if for some reason he had ended up having to work throughout the night he would have been asleep at that time later into the morning. I was hoping they would tell me he was out on a job or something similarly comforting. It never occurred to me to call Wayne’s phone, or to at least try. I bypassed that idea entirely.

Then communications spoke the fateful words; 'oh, good you remind us! I was meant to call Wayne earlier this morning as he had called in ‘off-line’ late last night as he felt a stomach upset, I’ll check up on him now'.

He had taken himself offline. And of course, then I knew for sure. There was absolutely no way I could say to them; Wayne is dead. Because I saw him as he was passing over.

So I hang up the phone and sat there… waiting for what was about to enfold.

I could hear communication on the radio; a crew was being dispatched to the place where Wayne was. And I knew why. During the remainder of the flight I just sat there, physically incapable of moving, numb.

When we arrived at our destination, an ambulance crew was already waiting with our patient for repatriation. I somehow managed to mobilize myself, going through the motions of opening the loader hatch, even greeting the crew members and patient, moving the patient into the aircraft… all on autopilot. Self-preservation lasted, until I finally decompensate in my mental state and succumbed to reality. I stopped pretending.

Instead of going back into the aircraft to be with my now loaded patient, I stepped into the crew’s ambulance, and I just sat there wanting to hide away. The only thing I was physically able to do was to breathe. My arms and legs were like jelly. Then a female crew member came to me and asked me what was wrong. All I could say to her was 'I think my husband has died'.

She never asked why I thought this. It must have been the most unnerving thing she had been told by a colleague. She turned around and walked away, but after a little while I was asked to go into the aircraft but that another crew member would join me, looking after the patient for me. They had communicated with somebody, but I had no longer any idea of who was communicating to whom and what was happening.

Nobody ever asked me how I knew Wayne had died. Neither did I tell. These crew members (and perhaps the pilot) were the only people who knew that I thought my husband had died. And perhaps they thought somebody had told me or had alluded to that fact…. I told nobody. Not for a very long time.

Communications thought, of course, they had themselves discovered Wayne’s death after they had sent somebody to check on Wayne and they would have had no idea I already knew as I had managed to act totally normal on the phone to them. Their understanding would have been that I merely had wanted to contact Wayne and would have never realized the true reason behind why I made that call.

They sent somebody out to tell me the news.

And so Wayne had been found. And when he was found they did not attempt to resuscitate, as I was told, because it looked like it had been too long since he would have died. He had taken all narcotics available to him.

And as with the rabbit (my first experience), I told nobody for a very long time. Again, I did not want to sound crazy. I would not blame anyone for thinking that way because, unless you have experienced this, it sounds completely unbelievable. Only when I had stopped caring about what people would think about me, I would occasionally tell somebody. But I would still pick my audience.

Only once I had the mental space to reflect and fully re-experience the whole event, could I finally place all the ‘information’ I got from the experience. It had gone so quickly, it really just lasted seconds, but within those seconds, I gained so much information. Nearly as if I was in that window with Wayne and I could, so to say, ‘read the room’ with him.

And so, I became more aware of the significance of that moment and what it meant;

The very things that gave me the sudden realization that Wayne had died; when I saw and even felt his peaceful resignation, his calm, the intense interest and concentration in his gaze, without any signs of upset or distress about having died (I feel he must have known by then). I realised that he was no longer tortured by his mind, free at last. And whatever he was looking at, was not at all worrisome to him. Quite the contrary. Wayne was at peace. He was doing more than fine. Wayne was home.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?      No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         No

Did you see the deceased?       Yes

Also as per my earlier description; I saw at him from his right profile; he looked so healthy, so well. He was looking at something I could not see. The main difference was that he was suffering from depression but now he looked completely at peace. His face had a healthy glow.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Very clear. As if really in front of me. The experience had something of an hologram

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Only his face and only his right profile

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?           Appeared his age. Only much better looking

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            As above; he looked glowing. Perhaps it was also the light that did that, but he also 'felt' healthy (mentally)

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last?      seconds. Perhaps 10 seconds!

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?       Abrupt onset and equally abrupt ending

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Uncertain

I just had a strong feeling of his peacefulness. He kind of oozed 'being ok', he had no distress whatsoever. Although his face had a neutral expression, I could feel that he was kind of embracing what was happening to him. But it was only my impression of his emotions and I was in no way able to confirm that with visible clues (such as, when a person is smiling, etc)

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No. It appeared he was completely oblivious about the fact I could see him and there was no communication. But I feel that I gained information from the event itself; Like some of it came through that window (I described) and I kind of knew what was happening. Like some of it was shared with me somehow; it generated somehow a 'knowing' in me.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   The fact that it was shortly thereafter confirmed that my husband had died at the very moment I had the experience (from time of death estimated by the attending paramedics, who are my colleagues)

          Was the experience dream like in any way?          Uncertain

It was not at all like looking at an object, or a tree.... it was kind of a hologram image. I suppose that would put it more into the 'dream-like' catagory

What did you feel (while awake) immediately prior to your experience?            
           
           
           
           
           
No particular emotion       
           

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  I was very tired and was finally able to relax. Kind of a relieved moment, having the (false) sense of security that Wayne was ok for now, my son was safely at school and I had not yet a patient to look after. I had a breathing moment, so to say

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

Of course, I was absolutely devastated. However, in the background I also knew that Wayne was ok from my experience but I could not tell anyone. I also had other experiences after which strongly pointed at Wayne still 'hanging around'. But this I cannot say for sure, as those experiences could be explained away by coincidences and perhaps I was looking for some kind of confirmation of him being ok, which makes these highly unreliable. It still took me about two years to really be 100% again. Perhaps even better than before.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          the best; I am sure I now know it's true; there's more to come for all of us. We need to do our utmost best but we also must be forgiving to others and ourselves. I know Wayne and others are ok. I know that all that is alive has a soul. That feels nice. I also feel that I have a purpose; to become the best version of myself so I can hold my head up high for trying when the moment comes. And in my profession it helps; when a person does not make it, I know they will be ok. Pity I can't transmit this feeling to the relatives. Sometimes when I see patients suffer I think; one day you will be released from all this misery and be free.

The worst; I am sure I now know it's true; there's more to come for all of us. But now I sometimes feel I am just 'sitting out' my life, despite the realisation that I am still needing this life time to work on myself to become the best version I can be. I sometimes catch myself that perhaps I am merely waiting for that moment to come, even though I have a happy and fortunate life and I should just let go of what I feel I know and just LIVE! That's what I am meant to be doing. And ps; that's why I don't support any religion; we are meant to live our lives, not to ponder about what comes after. That's none of our business right now :)

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?      Uncertain     I already had undergone a change by my first experience, but this one faded over time. But it was already there, kind of dormant.

So after this experiences I was not only straight back where I was after my first experience, this time it was MUCH stronger and it never faded. So yes I suppose, I feel my beliefs are now stronger. More like truly confirmed that my beliefs are based on something solid.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    I understood where Wayne was going without it being explicitly explained to me. It was like I was having the privilege to see Wayne passing over and being witness to him going to something great. And what was in store for everyone.

I still don't believe in 'a' GOD, or an overseeing body of any kind (hence I had a bit of trouble answering some of the questions regarding my beliefs). I believe all is ONE. This whole idea of 'somebody' being in charge I do not believe. I also believe that we are all received the in same way after death, no matter what our life was like. I think the human ego cannot comprehend this, as most would likely be convinced that those who committed terrible things whilst alive, will go to some kind of hell. The fragile human ego seeks vengeance, but there won't be any. Probably just as well not everyone believes what I believe as it may be a bad thing for those who are only good out of fear of the hereafter :)

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes As described earlier; my husband's dying at the time of the 'vision' was confirmed


What emotions did you feel during the experience?         I felt a sudden wave of panic

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?          Uncertain

I know, cognitively, that the event lasted mere seconds. But it felt for ages and as if time was standing still.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes

I felt as if I had been given an insight. Different as with my first experience, but this also left me with 'knowing' something.

Did you become aware of future events?      No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

Did you see a light?        Yes

There was a very bright light shining towards my husband's face. But not that bright that he was squinting his eyes. His eyes looked unstrained.

I could see the light, but not the source of it

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     Uncertain

Unsure if I understand the question correctly; I was definitely where I was, sitting in the plane. But the image of my husband was 'somewhere else'. As if it had been taken from somewhere else and had been put in front of me.

Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    This is a hard question as I have the feeling that some just politely listened (heaven knows what they said afterwards :) ), whereas others clearly had a genuine interest. Had a recent experience where I shared my experiences and this person was genuinely believing my experiences and we shared some things. Nobody was ever reacting in a disrespectful manner.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?         No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?   thanks for allowing me to share

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       Perhaps question 19 is a bit limited as it leaves no interpretation of 'God' or Supreme being.

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