Jim W ADC
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Experience description:

I was working in my office in Massachusetts. At about 8:05 am my lover appeared in my mind's eye and said, "I want to go for a walk on the beach with you." I sensed something was terribly wrong and offered to take the next plane to San Diego. She said, "That wouldn't help" and disappeared. I called a mutual friend who investigated and eventually learned that Betty had taken ill the night before, had spent the night in the hospital, and had died under the care of her regular who thought nothing was wrong with her.

Her autopsy report said a nurse had found her unresponsive at around 5 am California time and couldn't revive her.

I had had intuitions about an ideal fantasy woman since high school but had never for a moment believed in soul mates. Finally, I decided my intuitions couldn’t be ordinary fantasies. I had a chance to go on an extended business trip to San Diego, so I rented an apartment at the Loma Manor hotel in Point Loma and checked in. The hotel manager recognized me and introduced me to Betty the next day. The experience was that of meeting an old friend that I had known forever. She said, “Hello, my name is Betty, I’d like to share an apartment with you.”  I said, let’s share mine.”

After three months the trip ended. I returned to my wife and son and broke up with Betty, or so I thought. She died three days later. My grief lasted for about ten years.

 

Was this experience difficult to express in words? No

 Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?          Uncertain

 Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?       Uncertain

           Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:          The previous two questions are insufficient and misleading. I saw Betty in my mind's eye. And I clearly heard her in my mind as well.

           Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?          In my mind.

           If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?    Yes, exactly.

           Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No.

           Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?       No.

 Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?       No

 Did you see the deceased?       Uncertain

 she was dressed in her usual fashion, large men's shirt, blue jeans, and a ponytail.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            solid, but as I said above, only in my mind's eye.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I was concentrating on her face but was aware of most of her body.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   same age

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?           No apparent infirmities either before or after.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? No, but with the word 'saw' in quotes.

 Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

 How long did the experience last?      less than a minute.

 Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?      She appeared suddenly and faded gradually.

 Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          Yes

 Her apparent invitation to go for a walk on the beach was wistful, and her explanation of impossibility was sad.

 Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?          TThe information  I received is that something terrible had happened. She didn't come right out and say she'd died.

 How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          Experience was definitely real

           Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:   At the time I didn't believe one way or the other, but when I eventually learned Betty had died about five minutes before, I knew what had happened - she was saying goodbye. OMG, I'm starting to cry.

           Was the experience dream like in any way?  No   
          
Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:  Alarmed and confused.

 Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

 I was extremely worried

 What was the best and worst part of your experience?          Worst: fear and the eventual realization that Betty had died.

Best: affirmation of the continuation of Betty's spirit.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain                 Describe:     Career choices. I need to get good at writing and tell our story.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes    Yes, a strong commitment to educating others about soulmates (the term "love at first sight" is misleading at best), after-death communication, and its implications for the existence of another realm that we have very little empirical knowledge of.

 Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         Yes    Yes, I realized that after-death communication is possible for ordinary people like Betty; it's not something that only enlightened beings like Jesus and Trungpa are capable of.  I had gone to a viewing of sorts after Trungpa's death, and he called me a voyeur! People who knew him better said that was entirely typical of him. It's hilarious, but that's not how I took it at the time.

 Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?         No

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         Yes After the experience, I feared Betty had died, and later established that she had just died in fact.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Extremely worried

 Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          No

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

 Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No

 Did you become aware of future events?      No

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes

In addition to many more after-death communications, I had some extremely informative metaphorical vivid dreams.

 Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?  No

 Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?   No

 Did you see a light?        No

 Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?     No

 Have you shared this experience with others?      

Yes    Most people just thought I was crazy.

 Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?       No

  Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? Yes, I found  this website a few years later and it was very affirming.

 Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?          No

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    Uncertain 

medications and substances, no. Many more after-death communications, yes.

 Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?     Uncertain 

Near-death, no. Out-of-body, no. Spiritual events, hmmm. Lots of reliable intuitions, for example.

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     Yes