Jessica
C's
ADC
|
It was 11pm and
after crying all day, I did not want to wake my husband up by crying some more
so I got out of bed and went to sit in our living room to cry. After about 10
minutes, my dog who was sleeping in her bed across the room jumped up, and
looked around, then laid back down for a minute, then got up and ran to the
doorway, then went back to bed..... This was not out of the ordinary, she is a
terrier and is always in motion, I called her over and she came to sit on the
couch near me, but not on my lap. I was still crying 10 minutes after that, when
the dog ran back to her bed and burrowed in. Then at that minute, the intense
sadness and inability to stop crying that had been constant all that day,
stopped. It just stopped. I noticed the dog looking in the kitchen and I then
saw my cat playing in the doorway, rubbing her face on the doorframe and messing
with the door jamb and rolling around as per her usual (pre sickness) antics.
She messed with a part of my daughters toy pony that was on the floor, and had
it in her mouth and had looked like she was about to run off with it. She was
constantly stealing my daughters toys and the ponies were her favorite. I think
I either had to yell at her to drop them, or chase her down to get them back at
least 5 times a day. When she picked it up this time, I was about to yell, but I
stopped because I was certain I was going nuts and was not about to alert the
house to that fact. She kept playing then moved on to the kitchen and was gone.
I went back to bed. The intense, gut wrenching sadness returned the second I got
into bed. My husband woke up, and after a hard 6 minute sob, the sadness
suddenly just lifted. It was like a switch was thrown and I was unable to cry or
sob or beg to have my little Poutie back. I did not feel happy, or mad or
anything but normal. I laid on my side and then there I saw my cat again, this
time she was laying on a chair near my bed, where she used to often sleep and
she was staring right at me, purring, I kept staring and she slowly closed her
eyes but kept purring, same as any other time she cat napped there. Then I fell
asleep. In the morning I was in the process of waking up, and felt a cat hop
onto the foot of the bed, and then walk up to the pillows along the side of my
body, this was Pouter's morning routine, every single day except for her last
week. I knew it was not one of the other 2, because when they hop in bed, the
bed shakes as they are both plump (fat). For a second I thought the previous day
was just an awful dream, and as I opened my eyes I heard her little kitty chirp
that she always gave me when she woke me that way, as I was opening my eyes. I
saw her again when I opened them fast at that point, but she was trotting to the
foot of the bed. I blinked and then the intense sorrow was back, and she was
gone. At this point, I knew I had lost my marbles. I sobbed for a while over my
loss of my kitty, and apparently the loss of my mind as well. I got up and went
about my routine, at around noon I took a bath. One of my other cats, Bob had
followed me into the bathroom, his usual behavior when I was bathing. Every day
for the last year and a half since rescuing Bob, I would have him AND Pouter in
the bathroom whenever I showered or took a bath, before that it was just Pouter,
she always sat on the toilet, and chirped whenever I opened the curtain, or
moved the curtain. I think I mentioned she was quirky already. This day, I was
sitting in the bathtub, crying, and scratching Bobs head as he sat next to the
tub when I just felt ok again, and then saw Bob dash to the toilet, pause, and
then back run back and play with the rug. Bob and Pouter were buddies, and
played all the time. He often "greeted" her when she entered the room by running
up to her and stopping so she could lick his head. Then they would play.
Later that day, before dinner I was in my bedroom, sobbing and crying inconsolably. We had just gotten a call from the vet who had tried to save my Kitty the day before, he had the results to the necropsy. She had died after eating string and it entangled in her intestines. I was devastated, enraged, heartbroken and stricken with guilt because I KNEW how that had happened. My husband is an avid do-it-yourself person, and had been working on another one of his "projects" and was using tons of embroidery thread for it. I had repeatedly admonished him for dropping scraps and pieces of it, I had told him it was not ok because not only could the cats eat it and get sick, it was a terrible mess, I was so glad when that project was done because I had to tell him DAILY to clean it up! In his defense, my husband is the baby in the family, his mother did everything for him until he left home after college, when the firm that hired him sent him on a remote job so he was put up in a hotel for 2 years, except for his weekly trips home, to his Mom. He has no idea how to clean up after himself. I fell apart because I knew my husband's messiness had killed my cat, and that I was responsible too for letting it happen. I was screaming, wailing, sobbing and my husband was standing in the doorway trying to apologize, he was crying too. Suddenly the "switch" was thrown again and I was calm. I then saw Pout run past the doorway down the hall and then heard her run down the stairs. Then there were her footsteps running back up the stairs. (in life, stairs were her second favorite toy) she ran past the doorway again, but then was back in the doorway, tail flipping fast and wild, same as when she was playing in life. She rubbed against the door frame, chirped and then rubbed against my husbands legs and then ran under the bed. (3rd fav toy was my bed skirt) About 10 minutes later my devastation returned. I took a sleeping pill in order to sleep and was asleep by 8pm. Today I woke up at 7am, and there was no Pouter. My heart sank, I knew the sightings the days before were a hallucination, and I was probably going nuts. I got in the shower and went about my routine, randomly crying, constantly feeling heavy hearted and sad. I work from home and at about noon I took a break to go make lunch for my son who was on school vacation this week, and as I walked into the kitchen there was Pouter, sprawled out across the kitchen table sunning herself. This was a big strict no no in my house, and I always yelled when I caught her, and she always scooted off when I did. This time I gasped, and she scooted away. There was nothing else unusual until after dinner, at about 7pm I was in from of my computer when again I saw my cat, playing with the cords near my desk. I just watched as she played for a few seconds, then washed her face and then went to go lay on her chair. As I sit typing at this moment she is not there in the chair, but she has come and gone from the room several times.
My engineer's mind
cannot make sense of this. I am either going nuts, or my cat is visiting. I want
to think that her personality, and affection was so strong, that she feels like
popping back in to play. I have had other pets over the years, and lost them to
death, but this had never happened. Some of those I had much longer, some much
shorter than my time with Pouter, and each and every animal I have ever had I
have had strong and special bonds with. I cannot pinpoint a factor that would
cause Pouter to be the one to come back to visit, and not the others
Was this
experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
I wrote this the
same as I would write a report on any project, but I still cannot fully explain
the feelings at those moments, or the time immediately after
Did you ONLY sense
an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing,
feeling or smelling them?
No
Did you hear the
deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?
Yes
Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:
I clearly heard
her chirpy meow, heard her feet on the floor and heard her moving things as she
played with them
Did
the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you,
or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was
communicated?
it was external but quiet like it was not in the immediate room but rather
farther away
If
you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound
the deceased made when they were alive?
exact match
Is
there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the
surroundings at the time of your experience?
no
Was
there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?
no. I have
fantastic hearing
Did you feel a
touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?
No
Did you see the
deceased?
Yes
she looks like her
How
clearly did the deceased appear?
but like a screen with
bad resolution
How
much of the deceased did you see?
all I guess
Did
the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?
same age
How
healthy did the deceased appear to be?
just as active she was
before she showed her symptoms. before death she was listless and quiet
Is
there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the
surroundings at the time of your experience?
no
Did you smell a
distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?
No
Could you sense the
emotions or mood of the deceased?
No
Did the deceased
give you information you did not previously know?
no
How do you
currently view the reality of your experience?
Experience was probably
real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not
real:
I know the mechanical systems of my house, the lighting, the structure, etc. I
know how sound, light and everything carry in it. I know the weather conditions
at that time would not have caused anything along those lines. I am a rational
adult, I have never had any psychological issues am not currently pregnant or
anything hormonally related. I am in good health
I am unaware of other
factors that can lead to something like this
Was
the experience dream like in any way?
No
Describe in
detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:
calm, amused at points
Was there any
emotional healing in any way following the experience?
N0 comment
What was the best
and worst part of your experience?
Best was seeing her
play, and get into mischief
worst was when she was
gone again
Has your life
changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Uncertain
Describe:
I have
occasionally questioned what was happening
What emotions
did you feel during the experience?
calm then sad
Did you have any
sense of altered space or time?
No
Did you have a
sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No
Did you become
aware of future events?
No
Did you have any
psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did
not have prior to the experience?
No
Did you experience
a separation of your consciousness from your body?
No
Did you meet or see
any other beings other than the deceased?
No
Did any part of
your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described
above?
No
Have you shared
this experience with others?
Yes
husband