After the sudden death of my 29 year old son I was very shocked and distraught.

One day after returning from shopping I found the postman had left a parcel on my doorstep. I opened the wrapping to find books I had ordered before my bereavement. As I made tea I flipped through the pages blindly as one does. My thumb stayed in one page and I took my tea to the sitting room where I felt a sudden and overwhelming fatigue. I put the tea on the table beside me and lay on the sofa with the book on my tum, still with my thumb in the place I had not read.

I felt myself whoosh out of my body to travel through a curved tunnel of warm, pearlised, silver-white light which felt soft and rounded and lovely. I reached the top and loooked over the rim to see my son sitting in lovely countryside with his back to a tree, reading a book. He never read much in life and I felt he was learning something. He looked up and beamed at me as he waved me down.

I said 'No, I can't, I might not be able to get back.' He smiled and encouraged me, assuring me I would.

I went to his side and we hugged. It was lovely countryside with warmth and birdsong. Not sun just lovely light and warmth. I saw him looking over my shoulder and coming down the hill were a group of all the people I have known who had died. Beside them were all my pets who had left me. The most recently passed over was Peter a friend who had killed himself with fumes in his car after his wife left him.

He said 'EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Jenny, what are you doing here?' All the people looked puzzled. They all touched my hand with love and admiration and care.

Simon beamed with pride and joy. He put his arm around my shoulder and said, 'This is my Mam and she isn't even dead!'

The crowd was loving and kind but I turned to Simon and said again

'I am worried I won't get back into my body.'

'Mam, you are still attached, take a sip of your tea and that will prove it.'

I did and laughed. 'Still, I want to go back as I am worried.'

He hugged me again and all the others beamed love and caring.

He said he loved it there and appeared content, not as he had in life all fraught and insecure with his drinking.

I felt a thud and heaviness after whooshing back to my body. I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked at where my thumb was in the page. It said 'for instance, should a parent have a child who is fraught with worry and drug or alcohol abuse, and he dies........'

I was amazed! The experience was lovely and joyous but I still grieved deeply for many years.

I feel that when you have grown a baby in your body and cared for it all it's life the human desire to nurture is inherent, the unconditional love built in. The grief is hideous beyond words....just hideous.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

          Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     

He talked, his mouth moved and smiled, just as he was alive but with the stress gone. Very clear.

          Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?        

Talking as in life.

          If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?        

Same

          Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?     

No, I went to heaven, that I know...but it felt like a first stage for him, the others came down a hill from a higher place but he knew them and was familiar.

          Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?

No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?         

Yes

Hugged,,,the arm around my shoulder ...the touch from the others.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar? 

Just as in life but with more unconditional love from my son who was always fraught in life.

          Was anything communicated by the touch? 

Love and comfort. Family belonging.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?        

No

Did you see the deceased?       

Yes

Exctly the same, tall and blonde but with the worry and pain gone.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       Whole body with shirt and trausers on.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?            Same age, 29

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Yes he looked good with the care gone, he drank a whole bottle of vodka which killed him but he was healthy now.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No. I left this Earth.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?  

No

How long did the experience last?      

Ten minutes...ish

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         

Sudden

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?         

Yes

He was content and joyful at my visit.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

No

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?        

Experience was definitely real

          Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:  

It was sudden and very real. I have many more from Simon and now others who have passed.

          Was the experience dream like in any way? 

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:        

I lost the drag of grief whilst there. I was scared for myself whilst wanting to be with him but I knew absolutely that I was still alive and had many more years. I still felt deep grief on my return but this was not the first experience of him since he died just the most different. He came to me on the night he died and then many communications, hundreds.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?         

Yes

I felt I knew he was happy although I was still in the cold hell of grief.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   

Visiting and touching my son.........grief, terrible agonizing grief!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      

No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?            Yes    More certain of our spiritual being

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?         

Yes    Yes, it confirmed we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?     

Yes

This was with my mother who said she would tickle the hair on the crown of my head. She has done this several times.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        

No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         

peace and awe but the grief did not ease for years.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?         

No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? 

No

It seemed in time with the present

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    

Yes

It seemed that this is where we went as a first stage after dying. Years ago though I had similar wakeful experience where I went to the top of a hill and looked down to see all knowledge and knowing. I understood all. It was a mere flash and I can't remember but it was not anything I could describe in language anyway. I really knew everything but not now. Maybe my soul knows.

Did you become aware of future events?     

No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?           No

No, but I feel so open to everything, I seek knowledge of who we are. I have written a book but strangely the agent who thought it was fabulous, disappeared from me so it was not published as arranged.