dream 1 : I was at a camp ground we used to always go to before he started traveling again. to get to the camping ground you come down a half collapsed mud filled path, cross a bridge and on the other side there is parking and then camp ground by the river. in my dream I was across the bridge on the camp ground side. I must state that I tend to dream in black and white. occasionally some things are in color but not everything. this dream was in vibrant color. as I walk toward the bridge I see him standing in the very center looking down over it at the water, while fiddling with something in his right hand. as soon as I saw him in plain sight he put whatever was in his hand into his pocket and sprinted toward me as I did him. he hugged me, it felt so real... but as he grasped me without saying 1 word I knew what he was feeling. as I felt him squeezing me I got overwhelmed with emotions of guilt, regret, anger, sadness and everything you would think he would be feeling if he were to be conscience of his death. I woke gasping for air and my heart racing, followed by instant tears. 

dream 2 : same place on bridge. I walk towards him from the same side of the bridge as before to see him either in or nearly in tears staring down at the water intently. he didn't seem to notice me there at first. I walked over to him and leaned over the old rusted bridge to look at the water as well, and water is what I saw. the entire time in this dream he didn't make eye contact once. in the dream I said " I am really gonna miss you man". he replied " I really f'd up, how could I do this to you all?" I told him " we all love you man, and we forgive you. its just not going to be the same without our MC around. with his head down he looked toward the other side of the bridge (the rough mud road side) and that's when I saw light colored mist,) like it was the "other side" or "his souls peace") and then intently looked back down into the water. he then replied "all these people wouldn't be hurting so much if I just stayed in town with you guys instead of traveling. I am worried about my mom, and brother what if they don't forgive me? I am suppose to bring you all smiles, and happiness and yet now you're all in so much pain, because I f'd up so bad" he was still staring at the water, like the river was filled with everyone experiencing grief. He grabbed my hand and told me to let our group of friends and his family know he is beyond sorry and to tell them that he loves us all. I replied "you got it Corey, and I love you and so does our group and family and we all will miss you. I comprehended the bridge to be the in-between state, the entrance with the mist to be the other side, and the camp grounds to be where he came from "life". And he was stuck in the dead center filled with guilt pain, and loneliness. 

dream 3: the day before his funeral, I had a dream that I was at his funeral in line to pay my respects and say my goodbyes. As I walked up I put something into his hand, I think the same thing he was fiddling with in the first dream. as soon as I touched him, he sat straight up out of his casket and said, JANE! where am I? I replied, this is your funeral you were dead. in shock he started to pull his hands to his face and I immediately pulled the hand I was holding back down and replied if you let go of me I'll die the way you did. after saying that, in my dream , my chest got heavy, my heart had pains and I was barely able to breath, like we were sharing a life, or I was over dosing. the last of that dream I remember was me and him racing down the road in the back of the ambulance, and I said" I am so glad I got to see you alive again, I am so happy, and you know the world needs more reason to smile even if it is your goofy a**.I felt so at peace. he was smiling and crying. I smiled back to him and said, everyone deserves a second chance, you can not fail me again, ok? he nodded his heads tears rolling down his face. I let go of his hand, and in my dream it felt like my heart blew up in my chest and then everything went black. when I woke I was gasping for breath and had drying tears on my face like while I was dreaming I was also crying. sometimes dreams you can somewhat understand how it relates, but never have I had such intense emotions, and I've never woken gasping for air like that before he passed or since those dreams. I felt like I was not on earth but not dead, some alternate plane.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?     No  

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?   Yes   

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:     his voice only. seemed just like a regular conversation with him living, he communicated his grief as described above.  

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?   it was coming from him in my dream 

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?     his voice was identical     

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   no. I was home alone  

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?   Yes  

Describe where and how you were touched:     he hugged me on the bridge as described earlier

Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   it was familiar and comforting but also overwhelming  

Was anything communicated by the touch?   grief, pain, regret, guilt, anger, sadness

Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?   no 

Did you see the deceased?   Yes   

How clearly did the deceased appear?   solid, down to his clothing scraggly beard and long un-brushed hair

How much of the deceased did you see?    all

Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?   same age

How healthy did the deceased appear to be?    he looked like he did the last time I saw him only he didn't have a smile on

Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?    no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?    No

What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?    I have no sense of smell            

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?   Yes     intense grief and pain

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?   he had a brother

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?    Experience was definitely real    the first dream and second were in color, I could feel his emotions, and the conversation was exactly what I would imagine it to of been. he wanted me share a message with all the people he cared about of how apologetic he was. and he mentioned his brother which I don't recall him ever mentioning before him

Was the experience dream like in any way?    Yes    it was every time I meditated to go to bed        

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    best- to see and feel his love again both times we held hands

worst- being over whelmed with all his pain in dream one

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?    No        

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?    No   

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?    Yes    it brought me spiritual comfort, and eventually his memories stopped hurting and comforted me as well as brought me smiles, which is all he ever wanted for anyone, so in a way peace too    

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?    No   

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?       Yes    it was just like the previous summer, only it wasn't the time of our lives any longer.                

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?     No            

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?    No   

Did you see a light?    Uncertain    I believe it was the mist. yellow white gold silver like

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?   No   

Have you shared this experience with others?    No    one or 2 close friends vaguely

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?    No        

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?    No   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?   No   

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?      Yes    was in a coma for about 8 hours brain leisure and mild brain damage