At that time I was suffering from a lot of pain due to a pinched nerve in my neck (I'd been suffering from this for about 10 days and was on pain medication).  I had never in my life experienced pain like this before; it made labor pains during childbirth look like nothing.  I went into my bedroom, laid down flat on my bed and tried to make myself halfway comfortable, which was difficult because of the pain.  Even sitting down or laying on the couch to watch TV was painful.  Because my eyes are very light sensitive and there was a skylight directly over my bed, I placed a pillow over my eyes and I tried to relax so that I would not feel the pain from my pinched nerve.  I must have fallen into a sleep-like state but I can remember all of a sudden being aware of a "warmth" or a "presence" that seemed to be warm in color (oranges and yellows and reds) that seemed to be staying in one spot, but pulsating or sort of breathing.....it was just to the left side of my bed and I could feel the warmth radiating from it. I knew that if I reached my hand out I would be able to feel it but I did not.  My eyes were closed and I remember thinking that if I opened my eyes, the presence would disappear or go away.  I was not at all frightened.  The really overwhelming thing is that the presence was communicating the most abundantly reassuring feelings of warmth, love peace and understanding to me in a most loving way, without any words being used at all.  I knew this was a "male" presence; I could not tell if it was my boyfriend, my brother, my son or my stepfather, but I could tell it was someone close to me. At first I thought it was my boyfriend who lived an hour away; thinking that perhaps I had fallen asleep and that he was standing beside my bed wondering if he should wake me or not, but I'd just spoken to him on the telephone when I got home from work so I knew it wasn't physically possible he could have gotten to my house so quickly.  You know that feeling when you are asleep and someone is watching you? 

What is strange is at the time this occurrence/visitation happened, around 8 pm on February 25th, 2008, is that my stepfather, to whom I was very close, lay dying of pneumonia in the nursing home he and my mother resided in.  My mother, a retired registered nurse, suffered from dementia/Alzheimer's, but was at his bedside that night as she knew he was dying, but she no longer had a telephone in her room as she had great difficulty in remembering how to dial numbers and how to use the telephone.  Even though I was a frequent visitor to my mother and stepfather at the nursing home, somehow the nursing station staff didn't think to call me to tell me my stepfather was not expected to last the night. He had had several bouts with pneumonia as he was in a fragile state of health due to a massive stroke he'd suffered from 3 years earlier.  Why the nursing home didn't call me I will never know.  As it turned out, my stepfather did last the night and didn't pass away until the next evening at 10 pm, when the nursing home did call me to enquire about whether there were any prepaid funeral arrangements for my stepfather.  I was somewhat shocked because the last time I'd seen my stepfather (a week before) he seemed to be in pretty good condition.   

What is shocking and difficult to understand is this:  my "visitation" from my stepfather occurred roughly 24 hours in advance of his actual passing away and therefore I was not aware that he was dying......I was told the day after his death that they thought he had actually died the night before about 8 pm but he was still alive......that was the night I had the "visitation" from him.  I have spoken to a psychic healer who told me that indeed my stepfather was coming to say goodbye to me since I didn't know he was dying at the time and because we were very close friends, he wanted to reassure me and let me know he loved me.  Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Was this experience difficult to express in words?            Yes

Yes, at first, I wasn't sure of how to talk about the experience without people thinking I was "out there," but after doing a lot of research, reading anything I could get my hands on about this type of experience, I no longer feel unsure about talking about it.  Even my family doctor was not surprised, she was also the family doctor for my late stepfather who I had the "visitation" from and she told me that as an MD she was not supposed to believe in these experiences but many patients told her similar stories after a family member or close friend passed away.

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          No

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?     

Although I wasn't touched, I could feel a warm pulsating radiating warmth about one foot away from my body

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   Unfamiliar - I had never experienced anything like this before

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  All encompassing love, acceptance, warmth and understanding.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  No.

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        I could not tell how long it lasted.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         The experience ended slowly until I realized that the presence was no longer beside me and I opened my eyes.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

A sense that everything was good, that there was abundant love and peace.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Only the feeling that there was love, acceptance and understanding beyond what I could imagine.  It was almost like a religious experience.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           This experience was so real it was life altering; it has totally changed my outlook on life, living, and I have lost my fear of death.  As a child, I had a tremendous fear of anything to do with death and dying.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           I was in awe of this presence, I did not feel afraid, I felt it was only a good thing that was being communicated to me.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Yes, I feel much more whole and alive than I did before and no longer have a fear of death and dying like I have all my life.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      I was mystified and amazed by the experience, I just wished that I had opened my eyes....although I had some type of understanding that I should not or the presence would disappear.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I believe it has made me a more understanding and more empathetic person.    

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I am much more forgiving and tend to look at the "big picture" rather than getting upset about little things.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     The importance of love and acceptance and a God-like being.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Confusion about what happened and a sense of wonderment and delight when I realized that I had been "visited"

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

Yes, I felt that something important was being communicated to me, although at the time, I didn't know who it was from, just from someone close to me.

Did you see a light?           Uncertain

No, I did not "see" a light but I could "feel" a light

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?            No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     I shared this with close friends and family members, even my family doctor .......they all reacted favorably, as they knew my stepfather and knew that we'd had a close friendship over the past 25 years.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?            Yes

An internet forum but I cannot remember the name of it.

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       No, other than the fact that I have had an experience similar to this with my German Shepherd dog "Jake" 10 years earlier......I had left an abusive marriage and had to leave this beautiful dog with my ex-husband, who promised to look after the dog until I could find a place to live where I could have my dog "Jake" with me.  I was setting my computer up at my new apartment and all of a sudden, Jake's scent (you know the smell you get on your hand when you pat your dog's head) appeared out of nowhere and remained in the air for about 10 or 15 minutes.  There was nothing in the room that the dog had been in contact with and in fact the dog was a half hour drive away from my apartment.  Within one week of the dog's "scent visitation" I got a telephone call from my ex-husband that the dog was dead.  Under suspicious circumstances, I might add, although I could never prove my dog died from a drug overdose administered by my ex-husband. I was not able to get the local animal welfare society to investigate the case enough to do a tissue sample from the dog.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            Yes

I was on pain medication (Tylenol 3)due to a pinched nerve in my neck.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes 

I feel that in general, I am much more open to this type of experience, but at the present time nothing other than dreams, etc, nothing so profound as this experience.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?           Yes 

Yes, I have had what I think is an out of body experience and a near death experience when coming out of an anesthetic

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes