My first true love committed suicide on 8/8/12.  I was devastated and confused.  Lots of sadness and loss for my friend/love.  I begged to whoever (see religious views), to see him one more time.  I was having a great dream, I had just gotten selected as a college cheerleader!  I  was walking briskly in an airport with a small piece.of.luggage. My phone rang.  It was in the small front pocket of the luggage I currently own.  It was an older silver cell phone a flip phone.  I answered and it was Josh...my first and only true love who I had been mourning for and begging to see one last time...whom I deeply, regretted not telling my true feelings to in our last conversation, only weeks before his suicide. I said something like "How are you calling me? Aren't you gone?  Are you supposed to be doing this?"  He assured me that he was still around/alive, he said he had gained special permission to speak with me on the phone, but that I would not be allowed to see him at this time.  A clip board appeared in my hands.  It had a paper that looked like an official approval form of some kind.  It had a box checked that said "approved" it was an "Official Exception Form".  He was showing me that he had obtained an exception from Gordon B. Hinkley, the recently departed prophet of the Mormon church (at the time of my dream I did not know Hinkley was deceased).  The form allowed Josh permission to specifically contact me.  He explained that he was not gone, and he is watching over me, that he is so proud of me.  I looked below the approved box and saw lines and words where he had typed in big Garamond style capital letter font "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" This December I visited his family in the home where he died.  I got a terrible headache, the worst of my life there.  I was unable to emotionally rest those 4 months till I came to visit his mother.  There was a compulsive nature to my visit.  I felt I could not rest till I saw and mourned with her.  I physically did not sleep well following his death, till I visited his mother 4 months later.  I was also nauseated and was worried I would lose my lunch.  While there visiting we went into his old bedroom, and I looked up and a framed picture of Gordon B. Hinkley was on his wall.  His mother told me that he was Josh's favorite Mormon prophet and a family friend had brought the framed item to them.  I am convinced this contact/dream was real communication from him.  I have no physical proof.  My love for him continues beyond this life... I am married to a good, loving man, so I wish my name to be kept confidential.  My love for Josh is without end.  It is sustained because of this experience/contact.  Josh was a convincing man, and I believe he would have moved mountains for me.  He would have moved. "Heaven and Earth" as they say.  I no longer fear death, since I know he is alive and safe somewhere that I will see him again following my own death.  So this dream is meaningful to me.  It has caused great difficulty in my marriage (though I have not told my husband of my experience, I know he felt a shift in our relationship) and confusion for me religiously, as I was a stout atheist...now I hesitate to label myself because of my hope in reuniting with my first and one true love someday. I don't know if my story counts since, it isn't about my death, but I feel I need to share it in the name of your research.  I hope to have some of my burning questions answered someday...thanks.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  My loved one committed suicide and contacted me.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When he was speaking to me and I saw the paper.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness  

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   It was clouded except for the luggage and paper, clipboard.  I believe.it.was.clouded.on.purpose by someone.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No.memory.of.change.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Happiness, joy, love, eternity, a sense of predestination.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Uncertain   Airport-looking terminal.

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I knew who.the.voice.was.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   Gordon.B. Hinkley

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   Gordon.B. Hinkley

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The purposefully cloudy/foggy airport terminal

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Faster, it was.over.too.soon

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
Understand my place  and my relationship with my loved. one.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No


Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No


Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (life after death)?   Yes   He.told.me.he.was.still.around,.safe,lived.on.after.death.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   That.there.really.are plans.for.people.and.they.can.get messed up.  He allowed.and.orchestrated this  event.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly lifes meaning or purpose?   Yes  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly lifes difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   My deceased.loved.one.still.loves.me.and.it.lasts. beyond.today. beyond death

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   There are rules of.the.universe.just like.on earth, it.takes.effort.to bypass.things like.gravity so.does.it.take effort.to.get.exceptions.there.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I have.a.purpose.  I am going.to.help.many people.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   It.changed.my.beliefs

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience  

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Change.in.my marriage,.perspective, daily life.

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I will.not.deny.life after.death

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   I had.headaches...I get.senses.of.people....  More apt to.trust.my.instincts.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     The effort.to.contact.me,.and.the.note

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  I don't.know.if.they.were.influenced..told.some.family.and.close.friends

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   TV, no.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was probably real   It.felt real,.confirmation.from.his.family.about.his.feelings

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was probably real   I know.it.happened, I want it.to be real so.badly.but.I.don't want to.will.it.into reality. I just hope.it.was.true.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Feel differently.towards.other.loved.ones.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Won't deny.a.god. or.higher.experience

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I know.you.might.not.be.able.to.count.this,.but.still.felt.I.should.share.what.happened

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes