This is such an amazing experience.  I went through it back in 1985 and it changed my life.  

The latest big thing in popular culture are all those psychic medium TV shows like "Crossings with John Edward" and others like it.  But twenty-one years ago, that wasn't the case at all.  There was very little information out there concerning "stuff" like that.  So, when I experienced an ADC (after-death contact) with a close friend of mine who passed, I had no clue what in the hell it was that was happening.  It was doubly-weird because I did not learn that he had passed until a couple of days later...!   

It was triple-weird because this same friend and I had ALWAYS had a very unusual "cosmic connection" in which I could sense his presence, or future arrival, 15 minutes ahead of time...and we didn't live in the same town either!  I cannot count the number of times we literally "ran into one another" in unusual locations, always preceded by my knowing he was "around".  Always aware, and always 100% correct. It was a very cool thing, but I certainly never told him about it, nor did I share this with anyone else either.  Too weird, you know?   

I just always felt that we were "on the same wavelength", which made it easy to pick up his presence.  He was a radio disc jockey, and I became one as well. In fact, I was working at a radio station that weekend when he passed.  He had been working as a sales person at a radio station about 150 miles south of where I was living.  He commuted on the weekends to his parent's house in the San Francisco Bay Area to work as a deejay to keep his voice and air skills up.  Anyway, needless to say, we had quite a bit in common and he was someone I really looked up to.  This went on for seven solid years, until his death. 

Then (unbeknownst to me) in the days immediately after his passing, I kept getting this odd sensation ("Toby's here.  I'm going to run into him any time now"), only he never showed up.  I found myself searching for his car (!) believe it or not.  For the first time in all those years, the odd sensation wasn't followed by him immediately showing up. Hmmm...was I losing it, or what?  It's not like I was missing him all that much, or something.  I mean it would have been cool to visit with him for a bit, show him around the radio station I was working at (I had just recently become a deejay myself), but I had no particular reason other than that to want to see him.   

Yet the odd feeling wouldn't go away.  I remember vividly doing my radio show on KATA that weekend and actually telling one  of my co-workers that I wanted to be sure to air check myself and do a really good job because I thought one of my friends was in town and was probably listening! 

The weekend came and went.  No Toby.  Hmmm...strange.  I could kick myself for not mentioning it to (my then fianc) Mark.  But I didn't really want to go into details in explaining about my interesting little "gift".  That's it, the only psychic talent I possess:  the ability to sense certain people from a distance and then, almost magically, bumping into them without even trying.  I can't do card tricks.  I can't predict the future. That's it.  It's an unusual talent, and one that has been repeated so many times since childhood that I've come to take it as merely one of those happy, freak accidents of nature.  I'd never looked into what this meant, or pondered any deeper significance...until Toby's death.   

Here's the clincher:  This sounds almost stupid.  I laugh every time I think about it, but there is no accounting for location.  Now it would have made sense if the "last place I ever saw Toby" (my ADC) had taken place at the radio station.  But I worked weekends and was home with Mark on weekdays...so go figure.  I went shopping at Food Mart in Eureka.  No big deal, right?  WRONG.  The minute I walked into the store those odd "feelings" came back BIG TIME.  I mean, it was overwhelming.  I found myself looking up and down aisles, and at the mirrors on the wall, and everywhere, fully expecting to see the guy pop up around the corner.  But I am trying to play it cool, so I'm analyzing all this and my logic is telling me I've lost my ever-lovin' mind...so even as I'm kind of looking around, I am trying to shake it off.  The thought crossed my mind that perhaps this was how truly crazy people think and maybe "the cheese had just slid off my proverbial cracker"!   

I had just about convinced myself to "knock it off and get it together" when I felt (rather than heard) this voice telling me to turn around.  Immediately behind me was Toby...or an image of Toby.  He was wearing faded blue jeans, white short sleeve shirt, and he smiled at me, put his hand out in a wave, and then very very slowly dissolved...!  

You'd think I'd at least mention this little "event" to somebody.  Nope.  Never said a word.  I was seriously questioning my sanity because, as I said previously, there wasn't anything in the popular media to explain what I had seen.  And remember, I had no clue (yet) that Toby had passed.  So I kept it to myself and said nothing.  I was probably analyzing my thoughts and behavior to see if perhaps I was going crazy and simply didn't know it yet! 

 Twenty-four hours later my mother called.  She asked me if Mark was with me. "Yeah, he is home for lunch right now.  Why?"  Then she told me...Toby had been killed in a car crash in the Napa Valley early Saturday morning.  He had been working all day selling ads in Ukiah, then all night long at the radio station putting those ads into commercial format.  He also worked part-time weekends at a radio station in the Bay Area, in Concord, near where his parents lived.  So rather than going to sleep and then getting up to drive down, he stayed up all night and drove through the night.  He fell asleep at the wheel, woke up long enough to turn from the Yountville Cross Road onto the Silverado Trail, crossed the center line and smacked head-on with a motor home that was towing a boat behind it.  The impact pushed the tongue of the boat trailer into the gas tank of the motor home, exploding it, and igniting both vehicles.  Toby's body, and those of the other two victims, had to be identified through dental charts.    

Heavy stuff, huh?  Yeah, for a twenty-year old kid, it was pretty devastating.  For anybody it would be...but the hardest thing for me (oddly enough) wasn't Toby's death.  It was that weird little scene in the grocery store...and the weekend preceding it.  So after doing some research in the library (this was pre-internet, you know) and copying the news articles and sending flowers to Toby's parents, I thought I'd take a few extra minutes to see if I could find anything in the library about "life after death."   The only book available was many years old and it was called Life After Life by Raymond Moody. That was it, so I devoured every word.  It still took years to put it all into perspective.   

That didn't really happen until 1998 when I moved to Nashville and discovered a book called Hello From Heaven by Bill and Judy Guggenheim.  Whoa...!  Now, finally, what happened to me had a NAME:  After Death Contact or ADC for short.  Finally, I knew that what I experienced was real, not my imagination.  I even wrote to Judy Guggenheim and she wrote back.  

Of course, now you can't turn on late night TV without coming across John Edward or somebody else, eager to do all kinds of heavenly communication.  I can't speak for the validity of their claims, but I can say that what happened to me changed my life.  And it happened at a young enough age to where I've been able to use what happened to help me to make better choices.  

Oh, and one other thing, and this doesn't make sense in writing but the sensation was there, in the grocery store, that Toby was having fun.  How could I sense that he was having fun, or experiencing humor, when I didn't even know what the heck it was I was seeing, I truly don't know.  But that impression has remained and I am convinced that he was surprised to find me "looking for him".  He was getting a kick out of this!  Toby did have a good sense of humor -- it was even mentioned at his memorial service -- so this doesn't surprise me much.  He would have been laughing at the effect he had on me. 

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain

I have expressed in words over the years.  It's just so deeply moving and special to me, that I don't want to 'over share'

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?           

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:    He told me to "Turn around"

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  it was in my head, but very distinct, and distinctly him

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           I think it was his voice

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            No

Did you see the deceased?         Yes

He looked "normal" in every respect. Normal clothing.  Healthy, no injuries whatsoever.  Then he dissolved.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid for about one or two seconds, then slowly dissolving.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       I think I saw all of him.  I wasn't paying attention to his feet, but there was nothing to indicate he was doing anything other than standing there.

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       Yes, age 25.

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            Perfectly healthy.  Hair, eyes, skin, everything normal.  Of course, his death was horrific (burned beyond recognition), but Toby looked like Toby.  Nothing wrong at all.

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        From July 27th through about the 31st, I think.  Off and on.  The visual experience was only about five seconds, give or take.

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         See above.  The visual part was building over the entire span I was in the store!

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

A sense of fun or humor.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  No, not this time.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:           This experience was as real as anything I have ever gone through in my entire life.  Very real.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No    

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Confusion.  "I know Toby is here, now where is he?"  "This always worked before, I was always right, but now I'm not. Am I losing it? Am I crazy? Could I be imagining this?  Never imagined this before...this is weird"   And then after I saw him standing there "My eyes are playing tricks on me!"  "Don't look at anybody or they might see you've lost your mind!"  "What was THAT all about?"

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

Eventually, yes, this was a healing experience.  It took a while to understand and accept the experience as the gift that I now know it to be.  I wondered at why I had seen and experienced this, and I also did not know that it had a name, or that very many others had gone through similar things.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The worst was the confusion immediately afterward and trying to put it into perspective.  The best was the knowledge, sure knowledge, that the distance between here and there is so small.  And if Toby can come to me in a supermarket, and I wasn't grief stricken or anything, then this must mean that this kind of communication is definitely real and not that difficult for him, or anyone else, to do.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes                 Describe:      I believe in God and I want to live my life to be worthy to visit with my friend again.  I also believe that I am responsible for my choices and decisions.  

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I went from being spiritually ignorant, to wanting to know and understand what this was and what it meant.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes     I can't deny my belief in the afterlife.  There is no hell, at least not as we have traditionally understood it.  There is simply before, during, and after Earth Life.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No
What emotions did you feel during the experience?            "What in the heck was that?"