I was married to Gregory under a double rainbow in Hawaii in 1993.

I was divorced from Gregory Dec 2003.

I remarried quickly -  a wonderful spiritual man who had recently lost his wife Donna.  Donna's spirit guide is the Hawk. Exactly one week after her passing, a huge hawk landed on his outside deck - odd for a Michigan home in a subdivision. It stayed long enough for him and his 6 year old son to take pictures of it and talk to it. 

Gregory and I had an intense love but a tumultuous life. He was a "death wish" waiting to happen.  He always spoke of "when I die" and was very matter of fact about it.  He was an adventurous type, lived on the edge and loved by all. 

Gregory hit a tree on his snowmobile 12-22-04. I was at a Christmas party with our two children age 5 and 7. I never carry my cell phone because the only ones who had the number were Gregory and my new husband and my mother. My husband was with me at the party, it was too late for my mom to call and Gregory was out of town. 

I had it sitting in my lap at the party. Gregory had worked for my company prior to our divorce and was well loved by all who knew him. Great guy, bad husband. My best friend who does not work with me happened to join the party and sat at my table. She had been doing some housecleaning for the President of the company and he invited her. I rarely see her due to distance but I was there for her when her husband died at age 45 and she has always been there for me.  The phone rang and my mother told me Gregory was dead. 

I was surrounded by my friends and family - that was the first indication Gregory was still taking care of me. 

Christmas was sad but we made it through - and that evening with a house full of relatives I began washing the dishes. I looked out the kitchen window and a hawk landed on the branch in front of me. I yelled for my husband. He brought all the family to the window and took pictures of this young athletic looking hawk that was staring at me.  My husband whispered to me "that's Greg". 

I wanted to believe but the hawk meant more to him than me -after all it was his deceased wife's spirit guide not mine.   

Feeling the urge to reach out I comforted Gregory's new girlfriend of four months. They had been living together, I had never met her before and ran in to her at the funeral. His family had not invited her to any of the celebration and were less than cordial - pain can do that.  I invited her into my home and into my life. After all, we were both grieving over the same man.  I invited her to a Grief Journey in our little town of St Jo and she traveled over three weeks after the funeral to go with me. We had no idea what to expect and were shocked.   

The group was run by a minister (who is also a psychiatrist, teacher, mentor, healer and wears many other hats). Her co-leader was a woman who carried the same titles but also is well known as a medium. Her husband had passed three years ago. 

We sat down and immediately Gregory's girlfriend began to cry. She cried for two hours. The medium asked very startling questions of her and the answers even shocked me.  She was very specific on times and locations and mentioned things that obviously meant a lot to her and Gregory's short life together. Me? I just sat and watched. I was not really grieving. Though I missed him, I did not miss him "picking at me" which is what he always did - even though I knew he loved me dearly.  I just listened.  As his girlfriend stepped out for a moment the medium said to me "his death was not an accident - he was always meant to go quickly and young". I told her I knew that and so did he. She told me he was surrounded by people and named off the people she saw around him as he passed - which included my new husband's wife who Gregory had never met or even knew about. 

I was not very comfortable with that. I was thinking "why does it always come back to her???". I kind of brushed off her remark but did remember one thing - she told me if I wished to speak to him to just ask him. He is in a world of confusion much like we are - with the quick passing, a new place, etc. It is like he speaks Russian and I speak French and we can not figure out how to communicate so just ask him. He will figure it out.  She also told me "if you are going to ask questions you had better be ready for the answer as it can be very overwhelming".  I forgot all about it when we got home. I was just glad his girlfriend was feeling better and had stopped crying. 

The following day I had a wonderful day at work. Everything went right. I hopped in my car at 5 dreading the 45 minute ride home but took a breath and hit the highway. The first leg of the journey takes two minutes before I turn on to the highway that lasts 40 minutes.  While on the first leg I thought about Gregory and since I had spare time, asked for a little sign please. 

I got more than I anticipated.  I turned on to the second highway and there was a double rainbow. Middle of January in Michigan and there was a double rainbow. And then the radio station I had it on started playing the song they played at his funeral. It was a bit much but then I saw something out of the corner of my eye in the back seat. I was afraid to turn around - when I finally did there was nothing there. I turned back around and something grabbed my hand and held it - for a very very very long time. Very hard.  I started to cry. I cried for 45 minutes. I cried when I walked in the house. I cried through dinner. I cried through a bubble bath and two glasses of wine. I cried through Brian's Song as the kids watched in tribute to Martin Luther King. I cried when I tucked my children in I cried when I laid down. 

I woke up this morning still mournful and confused. Half afraid of what happened and half proud of what happened and as confused as all get out. 

I thought it was the end of it. I was working at my desk and got that overwhelming feeling again. I closed my eyes and forgot my pen was still in my hand. When I opened them I realized I was doodling.  I tried to read what I had written. It said something about "tree" "two of them" "under" "gum" "lot 3" "evergreen". I thought I was nuts. 

I pondered over it for awhile and then recalled - Gregory is to be buried in February. I was not sure what the name of the cemetery was or what lot but I knew where it was. I looked it up in the phone book and it is Mount Ever-Rest. I pulled out an old email from his mother. Gregory had a son that died 16 years ago and he is buried at the same cemetery under a tree but I don't know what the lot number is.  Gregory will be buried next to him. 

I closed my eyes and asked Gregory if he was talking about where he was to be buried and I saw a hand. Just a hand with the fingers outstretched. Once again I pondered. "Stop?" is that what you mean? I asked him nicely. And then I saw it very clearly very vividly.  The house Gregory and I used to live in. The tree in the back yard.  The three little handmade stones under the tree. Each with the handprints of his and my children. He wanted them and I knew it. He wanted them and he wanted them placed at the cemetery he is going to.  I laughed.  Great - I have to go to a house I no longer live in, dig through the snow and try to find three stones. Hmmm. I will probably get arrested. 

I have no idea what "gum" means. Maybe I misunderstood.  But I do know that he is right here - big time.  He is all around me and has been for a couple days now. I did not ask him to come around. We never really got along but I knew he would always take care of me and the kids. Maybe he is figuring out how to talk to us. I know I am going to listen.   

Word of caution - if you ask for it be willing to accept whatever it is that is delivered and if you are going to be a channel you have to be prepared for the emotions that are going to go with it. And it can be overwhelming. 

Oh yeah, I forgot the hawk - the medium said since my husband's wife had already communicated with him via the hawk that what an easy way it would be to get to me and my kids via the hawk and that is why she helped him send the message. She was there to help him transition because we live in her old house, I am now the mother to her son and the wife to her husband. She was helping me be at ease so they too would be at ease.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

Yes

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?           

Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:  

His favorite song.  The rainbow that was at our wedding. The hawk.  The scribbles.  The "vision".

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? 

sense - not a real voice

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?          

Gregory had a very very deep voice - radio quality - if I hear it I will know it but I have not heard it

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

Yes

In the car.  I had my gloves on and something held my hand (put theirs over mine) very tightly

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?  

yes - I knew it was Gregory

            Was anything communicated by the touch? 

Not really - just the presence. I was crying.

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? 

no

Did you see the deceased?        

Uncertain

In my mind. Maybe out of the corner of my eye when I saw something in the back seat. 

The hawk - but I think that is a messenger and not the person.

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            In the backseat - it was like I saw his brown coat.

            How much of the deceased did you see?       not sure

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       yes - but much healthier and without the worry lines

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            crashed on a snowmobile, broken neck 

He looked fine in my minds eye

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           no

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?     

No

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?          

No and he has a distinctive smell

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?    

no

            Was anything communicated by the smell?  

no

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?       

no

How long did the experience last?       

many many hours

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

still going on - gradual

a little confused but comfortable

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? 

Not really - just that he wants the stones. Nothing I did not already know exists.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was probably real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:         

It happened. I was there. I guess it could all be coincidence but my gosh, the odds would be so huge!

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

overwhelming

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

Yes

except that it made me cry a lot

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

Best - I know he is happy and well. 

Worst - totally drained emotionally speaking.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?        

Yes                
Describe:     

I am more in tune to the earth and heavens.  I am more appreciative.  I seem to be calmer.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? 

Yes            God is ever present and can transcend time and space

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?       

Yes

Gregory and I were very spiritual regarding his son Tyler. I taught him to "listen" though he was not too good at it. He would ask me to help him. We would spend a day in the country listening and watching. Gregory communicated with Tyler via music - a lot. Whenever he missed him I would say go turn the radio on and it never failed but Tyler's Stevie Winwood song would be on. Never failed. Ever.  Greg was a believer and loved music.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         

Uncertain
What emotions did you feel during the experience?           

sad, confused still overwhelmed

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          

Yes

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  

No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?   

No

Did you become aware of future events?      

No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

I have had dreams that included people who have passed (one that was not even close to me) and was asked to deliver messages. Though I tried to ignore them I could not sleep - I would get the same thing every night - so I finally delivered the message - was shocked to find out how relevant it was and then they stopped bothering me.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    

No

hope not I was driving

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?     

Yes

I have before. I have validated information provided to me by others but that was a few years ago.

Did you see a light?          

No

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?           

No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     I talked to the medium regarding the hawk experience.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      

I just feel the need to tell someone.  I used to think I was crazy but then I found other people that had similar experiences and now I am appreciative of the experiences I am offered. They are very, very tiring and I am emotionally spent today but I would not give it back for anything.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?        

No 

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?          

Yes,

I have had dreams and visions before.  Not super often and dog gone it - I have no control - they come only when they want to.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes