Barbara B's
ADC
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My mother and I had talked about dying in the years before she passed away. We read angel stories, accounts of NDEs, the Bible, what Heaven was like, etc. I cannot remember if she said she would try to contact me. I think she did. Several things happened. A dove came and sat on the arch above my entry gate. The dove was there for a week. Never before or since has that happened. A clock in my study that stopped chiming over 20 years ago suddenly started ticking and chiming on the hour and half hour. It did so for about a month and then was again silent. I have a very beautiful and massive mirror from India in a huge ornate wood frame with doors. I have the doors tied shut with a ribbon. When I got home the doors were open. The light in the laundry room stopped working. The garbage disposal stopped working and I discovered what mother called a "scratcher" down inside of it ripped to shreds. She loved those things and I hated them. That was spooky and I am still not sure how to think about it. That is all I can remember but there may have been more. There was no doubt in my mind that my mother did these things. Also, when she was at the hospice she had been taken off of the ventilator she was on in the hospital. She could not speak and she could not write, yet when I told her I had to go home and feed the dogs and would be right back she said "You don't need to come back". How could she say this when she could not speak. She passed away in the half hour while I was gone. She knew.
I was asleep in the guest bedroom in my mothers house. I woke suddenly screaming get away from me and sat up in the bed suddenly and saw the form of a man in the doorway, sort of cloudy looking. It was then sort of evaporating and retreating like fog. It has never happened again. Before he died when we were visiting him at a Veterans hospital (I may have been about 15) he was in a wheelchair. He had experienced several strokes over perhaps a 2 year period. He took my hand and looked up at me like a pitiful dying creature and I had the feeling he was asking me to forgive him. I was repulsed and yanked my hand away and moved myself away. For years I had prayed to God to take him away. God did in his own way remove this individual from my life. I do not think this was a dream. I do not think my unconscious would have allowed it. It was an intrusion, unwelcome and unbidden. I have forgiven all who have hurt me but I cannot specifically forgive this monster nor do I seek revenge. I leave him to the Gods.
Kiki101 got an
infection in one of her front legs when she got entangled in a barbed wire fence
trying to reach the sweet tall grass on the other side. The vet did not give
her sufficient antibiotics and she did not survive the systemic infection.
About four months later she came to me in a dream...we stood in a field in an
area of rolling hills. She told me that she wanted me to know she was OK and
then she turned and galloped up to the top of a low hill where a stallion was
waiting for her and then she was gone. I was very comforted by that. One of
the books I am reading now, actually re-reading, is Man and His Symbols. There
is much discussion about dreams. This dream of Kiki was one of those where an
entity that has passed away wishes to communicate something to one still living
and dreams are a way of doing that. You just know in part because of their
power. Jung reminds us to treat them as fact.
Was this experience
difficult to express in words?
No
Did you ONLY sense
an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing,
feeling or smelling them?
Yes
Did you hear the
deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?
Yes
Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:
Only with Kiki
who spoke to me briefly.
Did
the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you,
or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was
communicated?
Kiki: I did sense a sound. If we consider the possibility that there is no
true distinction between within and without it becomes difficult to answer this
question. Consider the concept of a collective unconscious for example and the
idea that ones personal unconscious may have some connection to that greater
consciousness. What then is in and what is not? I did hear her speak but since
horses do not speak English it must have been telepathic perhaps?
If
you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound
the deceased made when they were alive?
Kiki: She was very
chatty in life and the voice, although "human" reflected those qualities I
associate with her.
Is
there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the
surroundings at the time of your experience?
NO.
Was
there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?
NO.
Did you feel a
touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?
Uncertain
#2 The man. There
was only a powerful sense of his presence in the room next to me, standing and
the sense that again he came to ask for forgiveness and was banished. What woke
me? What made me sit straight up in bed startled and screaming however
briefly? I do not know if there was a brief touch of the hand on my
arm...perhaps.
Was
the touch familiar or unfamiliar?
I knew who it was.
Unfamiliar because it was otherworldly.
Was
anything communicated by the touch?
Yes but I am
uncertain...
Is
there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the
surroundings at the time of your experience?
No.
Did you see the
deceased?
Yes
#2 Yes in some form
already noted.
#3 Kiki: Yes, looking
healthy, healed and very happy.
How
clearly did the deceased appear?
#2 Cloudy human form
disintegrating
#3 Kiki: Very solid,
well nourished, shiny coat, perfect top line...a gorgeous confident thoroughbred
How
much of the deceased did you see?
#2 Yes except feet
#3 Kiki: Yes but do
not remember hooves probably because she was just two feet in front of me and I
was primarily looking at her beautiful face
Did
the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?
#1 Unclear,
unknown
#3 Kiki: I would say
younger...but mature, at least 6
How
healthy did the deceased appear to be?
#1 No sense of that
#3 Kiki: Very
healthy. She had scars from Polo which can be very hard on horses. When she
came to me she was also head shy and broken-hearted. Her previous owner was a
bad man. You can tell by the body language.
Is
there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the
surroundings at the time of your experience?
NO.
Did you smell a
distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?
No
What
smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?
I have from time to
time smelled flowers when there are none here in the desert where I am. I think
that suggests the presence of the sacred. I think of it as a gift.
Was
the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?
Yes, flowers...no
specific flowers that I recall.
Was
anything communicated by the smell?
No.
Is
there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any
other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?
Doubtful,
certainly not in every instance. Inclination is to say "No".
How long did the
experience last?
At the most
minutes...generally perhaps 10-20 minutes.
Was the beginning
and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?
Not sudden.
Could you sense the
emotions or mood of the deceased?
Yes
#3 Kiki: Great
happiness
Did the deceased
give you information you did not previously know?
#3 Kiki: Yes,
that she was "alive" and well on some other plane of existence
How do you
currently view the reality of your experience?
Experience was
definitely real
Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not
real:
I cannot empirically prove anything. It is a matter of faith. It is a knowing
beyond faith. It probably cannot be explained...it is ineffable?
Also, when I was about
11 I was sleeping in the den which was open to the living room. My grandmother
was visiting and sleeping on the sofa in the living room. I opened my eyes and
saw my grandfather leaning over her. He had died about 10 years earlier. I had
the distinct feeling that this was private and so I closed my eyes again. I was
not afraid at all.
Was
the experience dream like in any way?
No
Describe in detail
your feelings/emotions during the experience:
Well, my mother had
just died so of course I was grieving. But I was very comforted by the signs I
observed.
#2 Terrified, angry.
#3 Kiki: Happy.
Grateful.
Was there any
emotional healing in any way following the experience?
Yes
#1 and #3.
What was the best
and worst part of your experience?
I have already
answered.
Has your life
changed specifically as a result of your experience?
No
Did you have
any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
No
Did the
experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife,
God, etc.? Yes For the most part affirmation of what I already believed.
Death Compacts
are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies
first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a
compact?
Yes
#1, Already
described. My mom and I had such an agreement I believe. She would probably
try to contact me anyway.
Did you observe or
hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be
verified later?
No
Was the
experience witnessed or experienced by others?
Yes
Only perhaps my
dogs
Did you have any
psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did
not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain
I seem to know what
people are going to say just before they say something.
Have you shared
this experience with others?
Yes
Unresponsive. Sharing very limited. Sad....
Have you shared
this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?
No
Is there anything
else you would like to add regarding your experience?
Not that I can think of
now.
Were there any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience?
No
Following the
experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did you ever in
your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other
spiritual event?
Yes
What I guess some
would call rapture. I am reluctant to talk about it. It is very sacred. I was
18. I was in Laguna Beach out on a rock meditating at a place said to be a
sacred place although I did not know it at the time. I knew it would be with me
the rest of my life and it has.
Did the questions
asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your
experience?
Yes
Please offer any
suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.
I would be happy to but
I am really tired of sitting here...:-) Maybe later.