Do you have any comments about the relationship you had with the deceased?     

We were very close for the beginning. She had felt very lonely from her husband's passing - in 1992- and I would come visit her many times during my childhood - high school times-

Id see her every week at home too during the week end.

Id also come visit her in Spain every summer - shed go there 6 months every year in the family's house. 

Regarding a full understanding of the communication; I must share the PREVIOUS circumstances surrounding the whole story:

Id felt very depressed and suicidal about my life. we hadn't seen each other for a year because she was living in Spain and I was in France. My father however - her son- came to visit her because she was starting to feel very ill. - this was 6 months exactly before her passing- she started to ask my father if I was really all right; my father would say "yes of course". she did not believe him and asked again. he denied; then she started to cry saying "I know your lying to me she is not all right". 

My father knew about my depression but didn't want to tell her not to upset her.

On the same time; he as well did not tell me about his visit and that she was starting to die not to worsen my depression knowing I was very very close to her.

I somehow started from the time of this visit of thinking about her.

this information was shared from my father 4 months after the visit.

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION



I was feeling very very sad because I knew it was the 3rd month anniversary of my grandma passing this night. I couldn't be present for her burial and I missed her so much.

I had been feeling very depressed for a year and especially after her passing.

I had been thinking for the past 2 weeks of killing myself seriously and had planned it.

this despair and sadness was worsened by this special date.

at around 12.30 am by night, I was laying in dark in my bed browsing the internet; overwhelmed by despair and my suicidal own passing.

I was suddenly appealed at the ceiling in front of me and saw a bright light, transparent one; very distinct. there was NO smoke in my room - I don't smoke and the curtains were closed. I was in total darkness, only the light of the computer was here. 

I stared on my feet in my bed in shock and fear and said "what is that?"

I suddenly at the same time felt very cold and had a sort of headache.

I did not feel I was in the same "time" for 30 sec

then; I thought out of nowhere "that's you grand mother"

I felt so afraid but somehow "relieved" that whe was there. I knew she was even though she did not talk to me.

the thing stood here for 30 sec as I was in total disbelief. I then CLEARLY smelled her perfume - a eau de collogne- all AROUND THE ROOM

then when I said "that's you grand ma"; it moved very clearly to the other side of the room stood for 5 seconds then CLEARLY the light went through my curtains and faded away. the smell remained for a 50 sec or so.

I instantly then lit on the light.

I then experienced instant relief and though I was so shocked I was in peace and went to bed. 

I did not talk about this experience for the 2 next days. when my father called 2 days after; I told him and that's when he told me that my grand mother used to feel her relatives throughout her life. she did never tell me that and I felt kind of betrayed for some reasons.

On Saturday, I came home in France and although I had experienced this, was still going on with plan to kill myself.

at 2am; I prepared the rope - sorry for the details- and went on..my mother, OUT of NOWHERE; woke up - she had been sleeping in the room next to mine- and rushed to my room at the EXACT same moment I was fading away.

she resuscitate me; thanks god and called the paramedics.

3 days after, she then told me that at the EXACT time I was doing the unthinkable; she woke up in terror and saw a bright light in front of her standing in front of her; very very bright light and instantly thought of me.

she then went to my room and cut the rope.

the paramedics did tell her that 2 months after, it would have been too late as I was starting to be in a coma - I didn't recall myself this as instantly after I tied the noose I was in a complete darkness. 

I DO BELIEVE THAT MY GRANDMOTHER CAME IN MY ROOM TO TELL ME THAT SHE WAS HERE IN THE WORST TIMES IN MY LIFE AND I DO BELIEVE AS WELL AS MY MOTHER DOES THAT SHE CALLED OUT MY MOTHER TO SAVE ME.

I DO BELIEVE NOW THAT SHE'S MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.

3 months have passed and I've sought help and I'm really improving since that night.

I sometimes feel she's around and talk to her.

To me she did save my life.

Background Information:

Date of experience:          

28 11 2007

Length of time between death of deceased and your experience:         

EXACTLY THREE MONTHS AFTER HER PASSING

she died on 28 08 2007 at 10 pm in Spain - Valencia

Was the date of the experience significant in any way?     - significant regarding she passed away the same day 3 months before

-significant regarding I WAS strongly thinking of killing myself and had planned to do it 3 days later when visiting my parents for the week end.

General geographic location of experience: 

Barcelona, Spain - I'm an exchange student there

Details of location of experience and your activity at the time of experience: 

previous details to understand this particular moment:

I was finally told of her illness ONLY in late July. I was in Ireland to complete an internship. my parents had come visit me because they were so afraid of my depression and suicidal thoughts. they did not tell me she had been dying for 4 months because they knew this could be the last straw regarding how close we were. they finally came out with the news because she was really dying. this crushed me but I wanted to be strong because I wanted to see her again before her passing. my father and I arranged a visit in Spain so I could see her for the last time. these were the most wonderful times I had with her despite I saw her dying because I knew I wouldn't see her.

she died on August 28th. this Saturday, I had planned with an Irish friend a week end away in Cork. I wasn't reachable by phone. my parents could NOT reach me to tell me she had died and that they were planning the funerals.

I could not be present to her funerals despite I had promised her I would when I visited her - in Spain, you burry the deceased 3 days after the passing and we could not make it with the flights when I was told 2 days after 

BACK TO THE EXPERIENCE

my depression had worsened and I was feeling extremely sad and melancholic. I was in the dark in my room in Spain and browsing the internet. I was thinking a lot about her because it was the 3rd month anniversary of her passing. I was regretting not being even there at her burial and how much I wanted myself to die.

I was also preparing the circumstances of my own death 3 days after; having decided that I will go on that time with my plans - I know its very odd.

Degree of bereavement for deceased immediately prior to the experience:    

Severe sadness and/or grief feelings

Degree of alertness immediately prior to experience:         Fully alert

After your experience, did you consider the contents of your experience:      

Mixed

Have you had multiple experiences?   Yes     2 in the same week

Was this experience difficult to express in words? 

Yes

English IS NOT my mother tongue. would feel more comfortable in French.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?           

No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?         

Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   

her perfume

she had only ONE in her whole life I knew her - bought by my grandpas and it was clearly hers.

this perfume can only be bought in a small perfume fabric in valencia so there's no way it could have been here in Barcelona at the same time.

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? 

inside me

she did not talk to me but by the light; then seconds after by the smell I knew it was her

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?          

smell so familiar

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?          

no way

there was no sound

only a light out of nowhere and this smell

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?  

no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?           

No

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? 

no

Did you see the deceased?        

Uncertain

I knew this ectoplasm was her

            How clearly did the deceased appear?            bright light transparent like a very heavy smoke-cloud but that was not earthly

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?     

Yes

            What smell, scent, fragrance or odor did you smell?          

see above

HER perfume

can only be bought in a small fabric in Spain

            Was the smell, scent, fragrance or odor familiar?    

she used to bear it on every special occasion like Christmas, family gathering..

            Was anything communicated by the smell?  

I instantly knew it was her.

as I was in shocked with this light I did not think of anything but that I was hallucinating

after the smell suddenly popped up; I knew it was her and that's when I said "that's you grand ma"; then the light moved

            Is there any possibility that the smell, scent, fragrance or odor was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?       

NO WAY

How long did the experience last?       

1 minute probably

I felt there was no time though

It did sound very long to me but it was not after I turned on the light

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?        

gradual

light

light becomes thicker and more transparent

smell

light moves

light fades away

smell gradually fades away

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?          

No

I think she just wanted to tell me she was here in one of the worst times of my life

when I was thinking of ending it

I also think its NOT a coincidence if she came the exact day of her death

Maybe she wanted to tell me there was life after death?

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?          

Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:          

the exact timing of her passing and the smell and light. it was real

Then the fact that my mom who is a skeptical and doesn't do drugs nor alcohol see this light in her room at the exact moment I was about to probably die - but who can be sure- definitely makes me think that she first appeared to me to tell me that she was here even in my darkest times; then that she wanted my mom to check on me and save me from suicide.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  

No  

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:          

I was extremely sad because I wanted to end my life.

I was also extremely sad because I knew she had passed away and that I missed her and hadn't told her properly good bye.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?          

N0 comment

What was the best and worst part of your experience?     

best: I know now that she's here to protect me

worst: I wish she would come to me more often

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?        

Yes                 Describe:           

although I'm still recovering from depression; I've never thought again of suicide nor felt as much despair as this last night.

I'm still sad sometimes but never as desperate.

What other attitudes and beliefs about your experience do you currently have? 
             
curiosity

I know she's here     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     there's life after death

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?           

Yes     love continues after death; in another form through love.

our loved ones can SEE or/and FEEL our deepest emotions and can help us in our darkest times.

our loved ones cant prevent ones death - following my mom experience. 

on life: suicide is not a solution. although I'm still depressed; I'm really feeling better and improving my mental health. following her coming and her coming through my mom; I have sought help and do not think of suicide as a solution.

I know suicide is prohibited in the natural cycle of life. and I'm not religious.

She did NOT tell me that but I instantly after this thought of it and NEVER thought about it so far.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?       

Yes

When I was 15; I had told her several times while joking that she should come say me that there was life after death. she said she would but we were joking after that. she said if I do so; u d be probably afraid then - she firmly believed in life after death-

we laughed about this so I don't think this is significant. however we mentioned it.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         

Uncertain my mom experience?

What emotions did you feel during the experience?           

shock

peace afterwards

went to bed directly and slept; I felt tired - I was very not feeling tired before the experience.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?          

No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  

Yes

I know the experience probably lasted 1 min or so even though I did not check the time

but the time did seem altered; like I could feel every other second of it

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?   

No

Did you become aware of future events?      

Yes

I do feel her around me even though there's no light or physical evidence

I just know she's here and I talk to her

I once had an answer "I love you" in my head but I'm not sure if its my imagination. I'm sure its not though.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

more aware of people emotions; fears; events

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?    

No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased?           

No

Did you see a light?          

Yes

very Thick

BRIGHT

like a cloud

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above?           

No

Have you shared this experience with others?        

Yes     my father and my mom

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?  

No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?      

I DO believe that she helped me and has been helping me through this depression as I feel her sometimes.

I also even though I DID NOT witness her presence in my mothers room, know that she probably came to warn my mother. again, how possible is it; with no sound in the house; my mother who's a loud sleeper; waking up because of a light and my name in her heard

I do believe she along with my mom saved my life.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?            No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?        

No 

I'm on medications since and never had this.

I finally did reach for help and medications.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event?          

No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?              

Yes

too complete sometimes

too long 

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.   

thank you for your consideration

id greatly appreciate your opinion regarding MY experience and my moms one.